Thursday, December 18, 2008

Mary's Silent Night


Promises so ancient that it seems absurd they’d all come true

Especially on this night, this way, especially in the form of you

Tiny fingers, tiny head
Tiny voice for all you’ve said
Could God be in my arms tonight
Caught in the glow of a bright starlight?

Why would you come by quiet night?
And not with trumpets in broad daylight
With a thousand armies bowing down
A thousand kings with offered crown
Instead of a sleepy little town?

Tears fall from my cheeks to yours
As my eyes behold your stable birth
Could a beginning so humble be more wrong
To dare to speak of your great worth?

Go little one and free them all
Those who scoff and cause you pain
For as I, they have a debt they cannot pay
We surely cannot ever be the same…

For you are here. Little Promised One, you’ve come.
Come to make our world your home.
Come to break the chains of sin
Come to let the light come in.

Monday, December 8, 2008

The News You Didn't Hear on CNN



Wouldn't you expect an hateful attack that rendered 70,000 people homeless, 4,000 homes destroyed, 3,000 people missing, and 77 brutally murdered to be told on every newscast in America?

It happened. Christians in Orissa, India are withstanding an extreme persecution that the media has decided no one needs to know about. I entered "Orissa" into my search engine and came up with three obscure articles about Christians protesting that did not mention any of these statistics that you can verify at www.persecution.com (copy and paste into your browser, Blogger doesn't seem to want to add links today.)

How did I find out? My pastor mentioned the problems from the pulpit recently, having been raised by missionaries in India. He did not go into any detail, only said we should pray. When I received the VOM newsletter in the mail, the name caught my eye. I was astonished and heartbroken for these families that are suffering such hatred and violence while we safely go about our Christmas shopping on the other side of the world.

These are our brothers and sisters in Christ. Though they speak a different language, though they have a different skin color and wear different clothes, they are more than blood family to us, if we are a part of the Body of Christ. These are the dear people we will spend eternity with. They are just like us. They have little ones and babies to protect, they have jobs and homes and lives they are trying to live.

They have one thing we don't. Courage that has been tested by the fires of persecution. They have looked at all of their loved ones and belongings and church buildings and decided "Jesus means more."

Our response? Certainly we should be humbled and convicted by their faith. We should be reminded that our comfortable little lives we are so fond of do not come with guarantees this side of heaven. We may face the same cross of sacrifice at any moment.

Most importantly, we should pray. Our hearts should be broken, our tears should fall, and we should beg God to continue to be their strength and joy.

Make it a point to visit the website today and force yourself to look at what none of us want to think about.

After all, they're family.

If you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. 1 Peter 4:16

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

While We Were Sleeping



I don’t remember another time when I was so unable to sleep. The moon was high overhead and my family was piled in cots and mats around the room, the sound of their snoring the only sound touching my ears that night. Or was it? I slipped from beneath the warm arm of my husband and headed to the window. The night was quiet, the sky full of stars. I looked up into the vast expanse, quite shocked to realize that the brightness flooding the window was not the moon, but a star. I had never seen such a light in the night star before. Something deep within told me I would never see it again. It seemed to cast its brilliant light right over the heart of Bethlehem.

That’s when I heard what had awakened me. A baby’s cry. I knew the sound well. I hesitated, looking back to check on my own little ones as they slept on, then I pulled my heavy cloak around me, gathered a few supplies from my store, and headed down the road to follow the tiny cry.

As I walked, I tried to imagine what little one would be making an appearance. There were no babies due this month. I would have known, I was the town’s only midwife. I remembered then that there were quite a few visitors due to the Roman taxation. Every house was filled to overflowing. It must be one of those weary travelers giving birth this night. My pace quickened.

The sound led me not to a house but to a cave, cut out of the rock to provide shelter for animals. Surely no baby was entering the world in a cold and dark place such as this. My heart went out to whoever the unfortunate family must be.

But the cave wasn’t so dark. The light from that star above just happened to shine through the doorway, as if Yahweh Himself had ordered such an illumination on just such a place. I pushed my way through the animals, huddled together trying to keep warm, and came upon the little family just beyond the animals, resting in the hay. A tiny babe was lying upon the hay in the manger screaming his little heart out as a frightened father tried to tend to an exhausted mother. My expert eyes quickly noticed that there was too much blood. This woman needed my help.

“I’m a midwife.” I found my voice, hurrying to her and gently pushing the young man out of the way. “Hold the baby close to keep him warm. Wrap him in these.” I handed him some cloths I had grabbed from my supply.

“Grave clothes?”

“They are all I had. But they’ll keep him warm. Wrap him snugly then hold him inside your cloak.”

I turned my attention back to the baby’s mother. She gave me a grateful glance before she succumbed to her fatigue as I began to massage her abdomen to release the afterbirth. I managed the bleeding as best I could with the herbs and preparations I had on hand, offering a prayer that Yahweh might spare her life. When she seemed to be doing better, I reached again for the child, unwrapping him to wash him clean and rub oil and salt on his baby soft skin. He was a bit on the small side; I assumed that they had not been expecting him to come so early. But he seemed healthy with a hearty cry and wide, alert eyes, peering from their darkness to observe me so closely I almost felt that he could see within my heart.

“You’ve a special boy here.” I smiled at the parents, finding myself almost unwilling to hand the child back to his mother to nurse. She was tired, but I assured her that the nursing would hasten her healing. The child quickly began to eat, as if he wished to spare his mother further suffering as a result of his birth.

“He is special.” The father said softly. “He’s the Messiah.”

It wasn’t the first time I’d heard that statement from a proud mama or abba. But the way he spoke it, as if he realized the great weight resting on his shoulders for the responsibility, I almost found myself believing it might be true. I smiled at him.

“I hope you’re right.”

After a few moments of silence, I spoke again. “What will his name be?”

“Jesus.” It was the mother who spoke now. Her husband nodded in agreement.

“Jesus. I have a Jesus myself. Good name. Means ‘savior.’”

“Yes it does.” The man nodded once more.

When I was sure that the mama and baby would make it through the night, I slipped away and left the new family to get to know one another. As I made my way back up the hill to my home, I was struck by the odd way the boy had come into the world. Could a child have a more humble birth? Who would expect a tiny child of a poor family from the north who had been born in a stable, of all things – to be the Messiah that would save his people? Certainly not I.

But the Scriptures said that the one we should look for would come from Bethlehem. There wasn’t a soul that resided here that didn’t know that for a fact.

Maybe Yahweh had sent him quietly into the world, while we were sleeping. Maybe that’s the way He had always intended that he should come.



2:46 am. I was wide awake. In concession, I pulled back the covers and stepped into my slippers, pulling my robe around me as I walked to the window. My spirit was restless. Something was about to happen. I could sense it in the silence.

I lifted the blind and peered out onto the dark street, lit only with porch lights from homes that had remembered to turn them on to detract crime, which seemed to happen more often. My gaze drifted to the sky. The stars shone more brightly than I had ever remembered seeing them in the city. They seemed to twinkle with excitement.

On a whim, I gathered my sleeping children around me and my husband in our bed. I left the shade open and looked out into the night sky, waiting. Hoping. Dreaming that this ordinary December morning might be the day of all days. Faith becoming sight in the form of the one I had loved for a lifetime yet not seen. Yet. The darker the world became, the more I longed for him. The more I looked for him. “Be alert.” Was his admonition. “Watch. I am coming soon!”

So I watched. And just as my eyes began to close again in sleepiness, a sound crashed through the darkness and caused me to sit up straight and look. A shout. A gleeful, excited, powerful and beautiful voice called, the sound so loud and so completely evident that surely there wasn’t a soul on the planet that hadn’t heard it. My husband and children were jolted awake, and I smiled knowingly at my husband.

“It’s time?” he laughed groggily. “Can it be?”

“Jesus!” my oldest child pointed out the window. “I hear trumpets!”

We all ran downstairs and threw open the front door. I ran to the hutch to pull out my letters that I had kept there, ready at a moment’s notice. I put them on the table in full view of the door and followed my family out into the driveway. As we looked up, thousands of shouts and laughter filled the sky as the first glimpse of a somehow familiar face came closer. His beautiful, friendly eyes were smiling as he held out his nail-scarred hands to those that happily waited. My own family was dancing around us in complete elation. I noticed sadly that many houses along our street remained dark. It was as if they could not hear a thing.

A moment later we were sailing through the air at what must have been light speed. And then we were with him. No more pain. No more struggle. No more. Now, there was only Jesus. Only and forever our Savior, who had come while the world was sleeping.

And the morning dawn found them in a fog of disaster and panic. We saw, from afar, nestled safely in the embrace of the Savior, who had rescued us from the immense trouble brewing just on the horizon. He had not forgotten us. We prayed for those loved ones we had left behind, that when Jesus returned for the third time, they would not be found sleeping anymore.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Georgianna's Medicine

Meet my great-great grandma and grandpa, Joseph and Georgianna Gilbert. Hearty pioneer souls. There's nothing dainty or delicate about these people, as you can see by their picture.

But one accidental ingestion of too much carbolic acid was the undoing of Grandma Gilbert. (You can read her story on my dad's website... http://www.tmpministries.com/GeorgiannaGilbert.htm .)

So what's my point?

I've been thinking about substances and chemicals lately. I was never much of a chemistry fan, but I recently read an excellent book by Ginger Garrett entitled "Beauty Secrets of the Bible." The name or size of this book doesn't do it justice. It was thought-provoking and lifestyle-changing for me. (You can check Ginger Garrett out on her website... http://www.gingergarrett.com/ .)

I've started to come to the conclusion that the less man-derived and synthetic products I clean with, ingest or put on my skin, the better I look, feel, and function. It seems that God's way really is the best way, at least in my personal experience. You'll have to try these things for yourself if you don't believe me.

Guys, don't check out yet. I happen to know that you suffer from dry skin and chapped lips and hair dilemmas just like the women. I'll go there first.

Would you be willing to accept the possibility that the lotion you slather all over yourself everyday in the hope it will make your skin more soft and less irritated is really making your skin worse, even if it seems to help temporarily? I have tried this for two weeks before I recommend it to you, and it really works! The answer? Olive oil. Just use olive oil instead of lotion or chapstick. (A little goes a long way, start with 2 or 3 drops!)

Ok, guys, you're free to go. Women, here are some replacements for those costly diet, beauty and cleaning products! Cheaper, far less harmful, and no chance of pulling a Georgianna! (Keep in mind that it would be hard to go completely natural in this culture. Don't give up if you can't go all the way. Any small changes you can make, you will see the results.)

(These tips come from my own research as well as "Beauty Secrets from the Bible.")

Diet

Your skin and your body were not designed for synthetics. They crave the goodness that only God's creation can provide. Dieting using the latest fad will only leave you miserable, even if you manage to lose weight. God made you to enjoy His world. Don't limit yourself when it comes to HIS foods. Give up the processed junk food, and feast on whole foods such as nuts, whole grains, organic, natural meat and eggs, and lots and lots of vegetables and fruits. If God made it, it is for you to enjoy. Eat when your stomach growls. Stop eating when you don't feel hungry anymore. And help those who are hungry. These are the only rules you will need to achieve the healthy look God had in mind when He made you. (I am looking forward to seeing God work this miracle on me as I go forward!) Remember as well to exercise. God's plan for us does not involve idleness. My workout plan right now is to keep my house clean and my children entertained. When I stop getting out of breath doing these things every day, I might have to try the gym!

Skin care

Your body absorbs whatever you put on your skin. If you put harmful things on it, it will suffer. If you put good, God-created things on it, you will benefit inside and out. My morning and evening regime consists of three things: honey (Seriously, try it! When you mix honey with water on your face it will not be sticky,) a couple drops of olive oil, and the coconut rosemary sugar scrub from "Beauty Secrets."

I've also switched my makeup to mineral products. They aren't that much more expensive, and they last longer and look better.

Hair care

Right now I use a natural lavender shampoo and conditioner I bought at my local Whole Foods Market (WONDERFUL place!) I also employ the use of coconut oil as a conditioning treatment once in a while, and if I need a clarifying rinse, I found a great recipe using apple cider vinegar, rosemary and lavender oil. (Send me an email and I'll send you the links to any of these.) I've also discovered that a mixture of chamomile and lemon juice with the aid of a blow dryer will lighten your hair (if you are a blond, there are other recipes for dark or red hair.)

House Cleaning

When I started to switch over to natural products, I was shocked how expensive these products could be. Fortunately, I've recently discovered that a big bottle of vinegar ($1.18 at Walmart) and a big box or two of baking soda ($1.28 at Walmart) will clean ANYTHING. I use it most frequently in the kitchen, where a 1 part vinegar to 2 part water in a spray bottle has become my disinfectant cleaner. If the smell bothers you, I added just a hint of myrrh (put a couple drops of essential oil in the sprayer and then rinse it out before you make your cleaner) and found that it was easier on the olfactory senses. Baking soda on your carpet gives you a deeper clean when you vacuum. These products together will get that bathroom or kitchen looking sparkly and smelling fresh. You can even clean your pets with these products, no bath required!

So if God has been nudging you lately about His desire for you to make some changes in these areas, here is my humble advice in getting started. Have fun!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Getting to the Bottom of Things

I have been convicted in the past few days of my own conclusions regarding our next president. I have been ashamed of the way some of my fellow believers have acted towards him and towards anyone associated with him. Last night I decided it was time to discover the truth -to wade through the rumors and stories and find out what the facts state, and what Mr. Obama himself says about God.

The first thing I will state is that what I found had little to do with the childish accusations that have been made about him. There is no evidence that he is supportive of terrorism. This rumor was fabricated because his father was raised in a Muslim setting, and because he attended a Muslim school for a time. I was also under the impression that he was an atheist. He in fact calls himself a Christian, having had "Christ wash away his sins" at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago when he was in his twenties.

I also had received the impression from his opposition that he was a heartless and cold supporter of abortion. In fact, his explanation for why he votes pro-life is this: that he himself is opposed to it, but that he trusts that a mother has the right to make that choice for herself and her child, and that it is his intent to lower the number of abortions. While I myself could never vote to allow another person to end the life of their child, I can see how one might arrive at that conclusion. I even agree that the lives that are cut short through this avenue will not be saved because the action is made illegal. Women have found ways to rid themselves of unwanted pregnancies for thousands of years. What is needed at the most basic level is those who are willing to love hurting or scared women out of their most desperate situations.

In my research I found from many sources, including his own website, that Barack Obama considers himself a follower of Christ. He seems to be a devoted father and husband, and asks prayer on a regular basis for his family. He seems to care above and beyond what is normal for those that suffer. Though his father was an atheist and his mother an agnostic, he claims that he believes in a God, in sin, in hell, and in Christ. It's when you dig a little deeper that things start to look a little less pristine. But I will allow you to judge for yourself. Below is the research I was able to gather:

Barack Obama

- says he received Christ. Yet shows a lack of respect for the Bible, or at least an ignorance.

- says homosexuality is not immoral, and any belief otherwise on his part is a result of biases he was taught. But God's Word clearly states that it is sin. (Again, though, my approach to this would be the same as abortion - legislature is not going to prevent people from sin, the love of Christ and His changing power in lives can.) This being said, Obama was not willing to go on record in agreement with the Bible.

- has mocked the standards God held the Israelites to in Deuteronomy.

- claims that religion should not divide (direct opposition to Christ’s statement)

- has consistently voted for abortion to be legal and (I’m pretty sure) paid by taxes. Has also voted that botched abortion babies not be allowed to live. (His answer to this was that there was a technicality he did not approve of.) Has no interest in teaching young people to abstain from intimacy outside of marriage as the Bible teaches. (Yes, I know, who would be popular touting these ideas? But for a person to call themselves a follower of Christ and not be willing to accept all of His teachings says something.)

- freely compares his own religious experience as equal with those of all other religions. Jesus says "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

- says that evangelicals have exploited and politicized religious beliefs in an effort to sow division. Does not allow accounting for the areas of the Bible that clearly require such division, nor that this country was founded on Biblical principles. Basically seems to say that evangelicals have no place in politics. (Which may be a good point if this new America is to be, but why is it coming from a man claiming to be a follower of Christ?) I must make one caveat here. I think that it is time for "evangelicals" to cease the fight to make our country what it once was and "reclaim" it for our own interests and agendas. Jesus did not put himself in politics, I think we would better honor His name by living as he told us to, by loving him and loving others, by spreading the good news with a humble and sincere heart. We have been quite belligerent about this country belonging to us. Would Jesus do the same?

- makes excuses for his years of absence from church, such as “squirmy children.” In other interviews or statements claims he attends church regularly. It cannot be both.

- “I leave open the possibility that I’m entirely wrong.” What true follower of Christ who has known the sweet assurance of the Holy Spirit could utter this statement?

- “I do not believe my mother went to hell.” Though his mother declined to accept Christ. Though it is a hard thing for any of us to picture loved ones in hell, if Christ is the only way, we cannot presume to more than God.

- His decision to “receive Christ” seems to have come more from a desire to fit into a social group, because of his tumultuous childhood. He does seem to admit himself to be a sinner.

Now that I have pointed out inconsistencies with his character, I would like to take it a step further and explore the possibility that what we are seeing may be an indication of end times. I'm not saying that it is, obviously Christ said we won't know the day. But he did say to watch. He did say to be alert. So with this shift in our nation and even our world, what if the cavalcade of events that Revelation and other sources prepare us for is on the verge of coming true? Here are my thoughts.

How could this believer in loving God and others become the “beast” referred to in Revelation? Maybe he couldn’t. But could he easily be convinced to follow such a regime, and even be paving the way for the Antichrist to enter the scene? Other possibility – all of his religious ramblings may be just that, cleverly devised stories to garner sympathy and relation to people of faith. Who knows whether power might convince him that he himself is in fact a god to be worshiped? The Bible says that the Antichrist will enter the scene as a proponent of global peace and security. He will make a pact with Israel to protect them. The whole world will follow and believe this man is divine, especially when he seems to have some sort of fatal wound that is healed.

It’s not such a leap as it first seems to be. Upon first entering the pages of history, the beast will not yet be controlled by Satan. That is what would seem to make his rise to power so easy – the subtlety of the Father of Lies.

It’s interesting to note that Obama is a supporter of capital punishment for “heinous crimes.” Why? It's unusual for such a liberal. It's also a big part of the Antichrist's regime. (The crime being following Christ and obeying His Word.)

Obama seems to have religious beliefs that are focused (at the expense of biblical accuracy) on global unity. There will be a worldwide religion overseen by the false prophet at the ordination of the beast.

Other interesting notes: At the convention, Oprah’s introduced Obama as “the one.” As well there was the response of weeping, euphoric, giddy crowds at his victory. I think as well of the “nine” world leaders offering congratulations. (See Revelation.)

So these are my thoughts. You may take them or leave them. My parents tell me that I'm too young to remember all the other times everyone was sure it was time for these events to transpire. But I won't apologize for being excited about seeing Jesus in the flesh.

And I'm not at all saying that Barack Obama is the Antichrist or even that he is not who he says he is. Only God can judge the heart. Another great article to read on the subject of his imminent administration: http://www.tmpministries.com/Election2008.htm

Whether or not I'm just a dreamer, my prayer today is the same as it's always been. Come soon, Lord. And until then, let us reflect you, no matter what it costs.

The picture belongs to my dad.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

He Who Will Save Us


O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you.
Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.

For the LORD is our judge, the LORD is our lawgiver,
the LORD is our king; it is he who will save us.

- Isaiah 33

As everyone else's seem to be, my thoughts are on the outcome of the election. I've been watching with interest at the differing reactions. There are the usual emotions of disappointment or satisfaction, depending on the desired outcome of the voter. There was the gracious speech by Senator McCain, and the tears shining in the eyes of Governor Palin.

What I found to be alarming were some of the images of hundreds of thousands of people gathered in the night air cheering, sobbing, looking to their newly elected leader as if he were some sort of answer to all the world's problems.

When did we become a country that looked to their leaders to provide for them, rather than depending on the God this nation was built to honor? When did Americans decide that they needed a new savior to take away their financial woes and bring an end to their wars and lead them into a grand new era of change and progress? What human in all of history has been able to accomplish all the grandiose achievements that not only are these people counting on him to deliver, but that he has gone so far as to promise them with his own mouth?

I know I'm too young to remember all the other moments in history that the times spoke of prophesy. I know that President Elect Obama may just be another young and attractive leader that people will fixate on for a time until they realize he's just a man. After all, there have been many like him that have come and gone.

But maybe, just maybe, these times speak of more. Maybe there is a new wind of change blowing. Maybe we have come to a crucial point in history where ancient texts are soon to come alive with faces and names attaching to descriptions and players falling into place on a giant game board called earth as it gears up for the most spectacular battle between good and evil that mankind has ever known.

Jesus said to watch. Be alert. Pay attention to the events that transpire upon the page of history. We have a true King, who has already solved the problems. And maybe if we take our eyes off our own desires and greed and selfishness we might hear his voice calling in the distance.

I am coming soon!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

A Boy Without a Tooth

This is the last picture of my boy with all his teeth.


Yesterday afternoon as I sat nursing my baby and talking to Noah, he fell forward off my bed and caught the corner of the footstool with his left front baby tooth. After an afternoon at urgent care, we found that there was no major damage to his incredibly swollen upper lip and bruised gums and bloody nose. I'm thankful for that. But it bothers me that my little boy will have to spend the next 4 or 5 years without his front tooth. I feel like I should have prevented it from happening. That I'm a bad mom for what happened to him.


I, of course, realize that there is no way to prevent this sort of thing, especially with an extremely active little boy. It's just that these children God put in my care started out with such a clean slate. I didn't want them to mar the beautiful little bodies God gave them. More than that, I wish I could protect their minds and hearts from evil. The older I get, the more I see how this life has broken the people around me. How long can I protect them from the realities of a world full of sin?


I'm also amazed that I was so protected, so sheltered in a cocoon of grace. I was born into a family with a mom and dad who loved Christ more than anything else, who loved each other unconditionally, who sacrificed and labored to send me to a school that taught me about Jesus and gave me friends who were also part of Christian families. I grew to adulthood in a tiny Midwest town in a country where we had absolute freedom to worship God in our little Baptist church. I am aware that I was blessed by God.


Now I am the parent who must depend on prayer, who must do my best to provide these little ones with a shelter as you would shelter a tiny seedling until it is grown into a strong and healthy plant. It is my husband's and my own responsibility to protect them from evil. I don't exactly know how to do that, other than teach them the way and pray without ceasing that they will follow it. So far, they have followed wholeheartedly and without question. It is my deepest prayer and highest goal for them to love Jesus as much and even more when they are grown than they do now with the precious faith of a child.


May we not be weary in well doing. May our country continue to provide a haven of freedom to worship God. (Please, Lord!)


But I also pray that I would be willing to enter the stickiness and the heartache of those I love that were not given such an easy path to the Lord. Who still lack the courage to follow him with their whole heart. May I love as Jesus loved, not only when it is easy, but when it is difficult to do so. Because what would I be, and where would I have ended up if not for his grace in my life? How can I then not be an instrument of that grace in the lives of the people he has placed around me that I might reflect the face of Christ in all his brightness, shining into the darkness of the prisons of despair around me?

I am nothing without Christ. May I never attempt to be.


I wish I was more of a man
Have you ever felt that way
And if I had to tell you the truth
I'm afraid I'd have to say
That after all I've done and failed to do
I feel like less than I was meant to be

And what if I could fix myself
Maybe then I could get free
I could try to be somebody else
Whose much better off than me
But I need to remember this
That it's when I'm at my weakest
I can clearly see

He made the lame walk
And the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time
Yet He knows our deepest desperate need
And the world waits
While His heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like
If we let Jesus live through you and me

What if you could see yourself
Through another pair of eyes
What if you could hear the truth
Instead of old familiar lies
And what if you could feel inside
The power of the hand
that made the universe
You realize

He made the lame walk
And the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time
Yet He knows our deepest desperate need
And the world waits
While this heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like
If we let Jesus live through you and me

All our hearts they burn with hate in us
All our lives we've longed for more
So let us lay our lives before the one
Who gave His life for us

He made the lame walk
And the dumb talk
He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time
Yet He knows our deepest desperate need
And the world waits
While this heart aches
To realize the dream
I wonder what life would be like
If we let Jesus live through you and me

-Big Daddy Weave "What Life Would be Like"

Thursday, October 9, 2008

9 on the 9th - Things I didn't expect from motherhood


I'm once again participating in fellow blogger Angela Nazworth's "9 on the 9th." (Read hers, "Becoming Me" link to the left, very funny!)


I have chosen to relay 9 things about motherhood I did not in my wildest dreams expect.


1. The way your stomach looks after having a baby. Never the same. Enjoy your pre-baby tummy while you have it, if you still do. (Or maybe it's just the size of my son that did it.)


2. Peanut butter smudges on the light switches. All of them.


3. The illusive clean carpet or floor. Even if I clean them, as soon as I'm done, the crumbs and debris return. Actually, the same goes for 5 sets of clothes, the dishes, the bathrooms, etc....


4. The complete absence of boredom. I have not been bored for the past 5 years. I kind of miss it.


5. I've forgotten what "quiet" is.


6. Who knew "The Upside Down Show" could be so philosophically stimulating?


7. The boundless and unrelenting energy of a 2 year old boy. It defies nature. There is no explanation.


8. Instead of a chorus of gratitude and appreciation for my slaving over a hot stove, I get to hear things like "I don't like this" "I'm not eating this" or the ever popular and heartfelt "We're having this AGAIN?"


9. Who knew that sacrificing your life, your body, your time, your energy and just about everything else you once held dear could be so undeniably rewarding?


Have something to share? Come up with your own 9 on the 9th and link to Angela's site.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Where the Music Came From

With the notes of August's rhapsody still ringing in my mind, I come to write, because it is my release.

I just saw the movie, August Rush, finally. I've been wanting to see it since the first time I saw it advertised, but life was the obstacle and I missed it. I'm not sure why it didn't do well. I wasn't prepared for it, because I had thought it must not be that good. No one else seemed to notice it.

I'm not sure why the things that resonate so explicitly in my brain seem to bore everyone else. But whatever the reason, I found the story of August Rush to be an exhilarating adventure, played as a symphony from the first word to the final scene, building and deepening and rising and falling with perfect rhythm and sequence so that I felt as if I had heard a work of art in music, not seen a forgotten movie from months ago.

But then, the music is in me too. I knew what August was talking about. I am not the prodigy, but I know the power and the language of music. I can feel music in the wind, on a busy street, in the laughter of my children, in the cadence of the rain and thunder and the chorus of the crickets on a summer night. When I listen to music, whatever its form, I can hear the heart of the composer.

I suppose I should explain the picture. If you look closely, you'll notice that I am standing to the right of a conductor. That is my college professor, Dr. Stewart, whom we all called "Doc." He was leading our college chorale in an impromptu concert in a busy Roman restaurant during our concert tour to Italy in 1995. I don't know how I came to be in possession of this photo. But I love it. It reminds me of a time when the music was alive in me. Not just alive. On fire within me. Burning with a passion to communicate the hope and the life I had found in knowing Christ. I could have taken a different route, and followed that music to the ends of the earth, just like August, as he was looking for his parents.

Life intervened, and I fell in love. Got married, had children. Music is still a part of my life. I'm trying to teach my five year old the basics, and nagging her to practice. I sing in the choir every week. Once in awhile I even sing a solo in church. But this movie reminded me that I miss the music being alive within me, giving music to my fingers on the piano or my soul echoing through my vocal chords to sing what had previously not existed in all of music.

My old out of tune piano will have to suffice, though I'd give almost anything at this moment for the soft, cool keys of a baby grand in a concert hall, with that sharp tone of perfect pitch in each strike of the keys. I'd certainly love to regain that voice I was working on back in college before life stepped in and distracted me.

Maybe it's not about losing the music when life begins. Maybe it's about passing the music on. And maybe, if I try hard enough and long enough, I can ignite that fire again within me, and set aflame my children with the sound of their own song that lays buried within their being.

After all, wasn't my own song coaxed out by my Grammy, who gave me her ear for music, passed along through my dad, and my mom, who made me practice and take music seriously, and good old Doc, who gave me a voice in a land across the sea where my heart changed forever?
And how could I not mention my Creator, who placed in my soul each note, every song I've ever had the privilege of singing? For that's truly where the music came from.

May my praise echo back to Him in some form that may give Him glory, for He is the author and conductor of my symphony.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Way


"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except by me." - John 14:6



I thought we had gotten a good start on the day. I had the kids dressed, fed and we were heading out the door for a quick run to the library before homeschool. A knock on the door sent the children and the dog into the usual mayhem of screaming and barking and running to the window to see who was there. Something made me hesitate to open that door. But something also urged me to do so, when so often I don't answer without my husband being home or knowing for sure who it is. I made the decision, and opened it.


I could feel the cold rush of evil on the wings of the warm September morning breeze. An older man, who appeared harmless, stood holding an open Bible. A younger woman next to him smiled and began a rehearsed introduction. I prayed they were stopping by to tell people the Good News. But I knew they weren't. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw the literature she was holding.


I felt the Lord offering me a choice. I looked at my three children, thought of the things that we had to get done, and I knew I had more than enough excuse to close the door. And when it comes to cultists, I don't think God ever asks us to defend our faith without first being armed for the battle. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. But even as I considered it, I looked at them, standing there expectantly, hoping to recruit me into their religion of lies and false teaching. They thought it was truth. They thought they had figured out where the Bible went wrong and had been sucked into the schemes of the evil one. Just as I could never leave for dead someone sinking into quicksand, even if they weren't calling for help but willingly sinking deeper, even hastening their own demise, I couldn't shut the door in their face without at least attempting to turn their eyes to Jesus.


I opened the door. "Help, me, Lord. Show me what to say." I prayed silently as I invited them to step in and went for my Bible. They were friendly people. They smiled at the kids and talked amiably as they asked me questions about what I believed about the Kingdom of Heaven and certain passages of Revelation. He tried to convince me that death was an end with nothing beyond except for a few lucky chosen ones. I said that for me, as one who has been forgiven by the work of Christ by my repentance and belief, "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." I asked him what he would tell God if God asked him why he should be allowed into heaven. He said God would not ask him that. It felt much like a sword fight, though for my part I was calm, and he became more and more agitated, shifting his feet and looking around and finally looking over his shoulder at the doorknob. I kept trying to say "You believe you can't be certain whether you will cease to exist or God will save you. I believe and know that Jesus is my Savior, and my eternity is secure in what He did for me. Why would I want to trade what I have for what you don't have?" The woman, who was his daughter, stared at him somewhat dumbfounded as he began to falter.


"People don't usually ask us these questions." she admitted. Her father made a few more passes with his "sword" and put his hand to the door, telling his daughter something about "this not going anywhere." Maybe it was my imagination, but she looked a little uncertain, like they should be able to stand up against my arguments if I was willing to talk to them. I looked her straight in the eye as she was leaving.


"Keep seeking. The Bible promises that seekers will find the truth. I'll be praying for you today."


With a deep sigh, I closed the door. The coldness was gone. But my heart was heavy. Why do people always feel the need to add to God's truth, and thereby make it invalid? Why isn't the Bible enough? Is it such an insurmountable obstacle to put your trust in what He has done instead of trying in vain to make up your own truth and secure an eternity of regret?


God spoke soothingly to me as Hannah, Noah and I later read from Dangerous Journey, which is an adaptation of Pilgrim's Progress. It was the end of Christian's journey, and the celestial city was in sight. Ignorance followed behind them up the hill, confident that he wouldn't need the parchment to enter the city, but that God would let him in without proof that he belonged there.


Then, as the pilgrims neared the Gate, the whole of the Heavenly Host must have known of their arrival. For they were greeted by the King's own Trumpeters, who made all Heaven echo with their sound.


But when Ignorance knocked to be admitted, the men above the Gate looked down on him and said: "Where is your parchment-roll, my friend, to prove that you have come by the right road?"


He fumbled in his coat, but having nothing - as we know - stood silent underneath their gaze, then sorrowfully turned back. That was the last we saw of Ignorance.


The pilgrims, on the other hand, both had their parchments ready, and a voice cried out: "These pilgrims now are come from the City of Destruction for the love they bear to the King of this place!"


So the gates of Heaven opened to them, and they entered in.


("Dangerous Journey" written by Oliver Hunkin, 1985.)

Sunday, September 21, 2008

He Will Come

When the wind began to blow, for a moment I feared. I feared that you wouldn't hear, you wouldn't know that we needed your help, that in this evil and dark world there were those that loved you and needed your protection from the storm.

Then I remembered. I remembered all the times you've shown me your faithfulness. I remembered as a child when our cupboard was empty, you sent messengers of hope with boxes of food, bags full of clothes. Right on time.

I recalled the time the car had broken down and waiting in the mailbox - right on time - was just enough money to cover the repairs. My mind returned to the place where I sat on the bathroom floor of my college dorm and cried out in loneliness, and you were there. Right on time.

Replayed within were later images of a struggle with my body to conceive a child. Such lamenting and hoping and weeping with disappointment. I thought you must not care this time, for the timing seemed far from right. But there you were again. Just on time. Just on time again. Just on time a third time, with a precious baby once again filling my arms and my heart though my body had insisted I should not ever hear a sweet voice call me "Mommy."

Most of all, when I was miserably and hopelessly lost in my own sin and guilt and sorrow, you were there. You hung your only Son on a cross for me. You told me that all was not lost. You asked me to believe you, to follow you, and I would see your love manifested in me and through me.... and I did. Over and over I saw how you changed me, how you resurrected an ugly dead heart and made it holy. How you caught me back from an eternity of suffering and held me fast in your arms, and I could hear your heart beating with the rhythm of your extreme affection and compassion. As the sound grew louder in my ears, I began to realize that my heart was beating in time with yours. I had become a part of you, and I could see the image of your risen Son as I looked in the mirror, instead of the troubled and dark face of one who had lost the way.

I know that your heart still beats in time for the lost ones wandering, not sure of anything, not sure how to sort out the problems and messes that sin has left in its wake just as the mess of trees and power lines after the storm blew through. It's too big a job. Despair is starting to set in. But you are there. And my heart beating in time with yours will seek them out, will point their desperate hearts to the Savior.

And He will come.

If what you thought was the truth is a lie
And what you fought to keep on breathing has died
You face the lonely nights and wrestle with the dark
And you reach to find the love to fill the space inside your heart

It's hard to put it into words the way you feel
It's an ache and emptiness that lingers still
Are you a victim of the past without a trace of hope in sight?
And it all goes by so fast without a way to make it right
If you worry, don't worry

God will come and wrap His arms around you
It wouldn't be too much
For Him to love you as He found you
And it may seem like you're too far gone
But He loves you like His only Son
And He will come
He will come

From the bounty of a river there's a flow
And from the beauty of the Father's heart's a home
That never leaves you empty no, and never leaves you bare
So come and bring your guilt and shame
Come and leave it there
If you're willing, He is willing
Oh, you don't have to be worthy
You don't have to be anything but willing to fall into His arms
Willing to fall into His arms....

(written by Cindy Morgan, performed by Mandisa)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Yes, My Name's Written There


Tonight Hannah and I ended up watching a Billy Graham special about his wife, Ruth, who died recently. It was supposed to be a tribute to her, but it quite obviously ended up being a tribute to Jesus as the family spoke of her commitment to raising them to love Christ, and her endurance through trials of pain and illness that only made her stronger in her faith. It was very encouraging as a mother to see the passion she had for her children and her husband. May God set that fire ablaze in my own heart each day.

At one point Billy's son Franklin Graham said that his mother was now in heaven because of her trust in Christ. He asked "Do you know, if you died today, that you'd go to heaven?" My four year old daughter's face lit up and she exclaimed "Yes!" with all the gusto she could muster. I asked her why she knew that for sure. She said "Because Jesus forgave my sins and wrote my name in the Lamb's Book of Life."

Her response was a relief, an answer to prayer, as today I've been wondering if I'm really making the kind of impact a woman like Ruth Bell Graham made in her children's lives. Will Hannah still respond with such conviction when she flies from the safety of this nest we've built for her? Will Noah? And Talia?
I've always wanted no more than that my children know Christ, love Him, and serve Him passionately with all the fervor and strength He can ignite within them. But am I doing all that I can to see that happen? Am I too focused on keeping the house clean and the laundry folded and meals on the table that I'm missing what's really important?

Thank goodness God is bigger than I am. Thank goodness that all he expects of me is my best, and he's able to do the rest.

And whatever he's doing seems to be working.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Answer to challenge... 9 on the 9th

My fellow blogger and writer Angela Nazworth challenged her readers to answer her blog with their own list of nine things on the 9th of September. Her subject was homeschooling, and as that is foremost in my mind as well at the moment, I'll stick with the topic.

My nine favorite things about homeschooling are:


1. I don't have to give up my baby for hours upon hours of each precious day. I'd miss her too much.

2. There's no wasted time. We can pack a lot of learning into 2 or 3 hours that she'd never be able to get through in 6 or 7 hours of traditional school.

3. I like being a teacher. It didn't occur to me that I would, but I really do enjoy it.

4. I'm learning too! I'm keeping my mind sharp by being reminded of the basics and learning new things along with my kindergartner.

5. Everything can be tailored directly to your child. With so many resources, you can follow their interests and let the passions of their heart lead you in amazing new directions.

6. Having a schedule and living to learn keeps us out and about and doing new things - something that all of us enjoy.

7. We don't have time to watch tv! :)

8. Not being comfortable with public school, homeschooling is a very economic decision. It means we have time and money for extras like soccer and art classes, and many, many field trips!

9. Did I mention how much I'd miss my girl if I had to send her off to school?


Got 9 things on the 9th to tell the world about? Visit "Becoming Me" (link at the left) and add on your own link!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Best Time of Life

I was herding my little brood through the grocery store this week when a elderly woman stopped me to ooh and ah over my children. I'm used to it. Having a 3 month old baby girl with big blue eyes is enough to catch almost anyone's attention. But something the woman said stuck with me. With a wistful look in her eye, she said "Enjoy it. It's the best time of life."


I agree that it is a wonderful time of life. I can't get enough kisses and hear enough childish laughter. I'm delighted to spend my days with three little blessings from God. And I am not looking forward to the day when they leave me and go into the world to do what God created them to do. I must confess I don't know what I'd do if I were dropping my five year old off at kindergarten instead of teaching her at home. I would miss her tremendously during the day.


But all this being said, I sure am tired. And even though some days are all sunshine and smiles, some days I secretly will bedtime to come. And some days, I just plain feel like a prisoner in my home, yearning for that writer's conference I am not going to make it to anytime soon, thinking about that leisurely stroll in the woods for inspiration that is just not going to happen without a stroller and insect repellant times four and an awful lot of whining.


So I'm thankful that a dear old lady whose name I don't even know warned me of the precious little time I really have. Today I'm counting my days more carefully because of her thoughtful reminder.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Iron Mixed with Clay



… Just as you saw that the feet and toes were partly of baked clay and partly of iron, so this will be a divided kingdom; yet it will have some of the strength of iron in it, even as you saw iron mixed with clay. As the toes were partly iron and partly clay, so this kingdom will be partly strong and partly brittle. And just as you saw the iron mixed with baked clay, so the people will be a mixture and will not remain united any more than iron mixes with clay. – The prophet Daniel, around 530 years B.C.

Amazing that a prophet over 2500 years ago could peg this country, this age – in such an exact way. This country, though founded with honorable intentions of freedom for all, has had numerous problems with division. Abraham Lincoln quoted the Bible as he stated that a house divided against itself cannot stand. Our people made it through that great conflict we call the Civil War only to find ourselves in our present predicament, a country slashed straight down the middle in ideals and goals.

I don’t like to get too involved in politics. I don’t like the anger it invokes, the emotions it raises, and the false sincerity that many of its players display. You’ll rarely find me saying anything about it on this blog or anywhere else I have the privilege of writing.

I must confess, however, that I have been thinking a lot about it in recent months. (How can anyone who ever turns on the tv or goes online not?) I have been listening to the main characters of this story. I don’t agree with everything either one of them stands for. I do agree with both of them on some issues. (Whether I agree or not means little, but I mean that I believe whatever the Bible has to say on any given topic.) That’s why I’ve never pegged myself as either party. But this is the first time that I have felt that one player in the game had evil up his sleeve.

I don’t know what the future of this country will be. The Bible only says that we are the toes in a great statue of kingdoms that started at the head with the Persian domination of King Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel’s time. Toes come last. I believe with great conviction that we are just around the corner from the end of time, from the final war of good and evil.

But that’s not my point today. I’m just wondering what will happen in the next few months or years in this great country that I am proud to be a part of, when all is said and done. I’m wondering what will become of this country if this certain player becomes “king.” For it’s one thing to rationalize prenatal life as inferior to our convenience. I don’t accept it, but I can see how people fall prey to this idea. And I believe the real war against abortion must be fought in our protection and interest in the other victims of this travesty – the women who are lied to and used up in an agenda of radical ideas - not on the political field.

But what of a man who had the presence of mind to vote against protection of the tiny victims of botched abortions? Even when other liberal voices could not stomach the thought of voting to end a little life that survived a first attempt on their life, laying there helpless and struggling on the table, at the complete mercy of those that had sought to destroy them, this man voted that their life should be taken. The thought of him marking that ballot makes me shudder. If he could be so callous with life, breathing and kicking and staring him in the face, what else is he capable of purporting in the office of president?

It has been said that he has a cousin whom he has been supportive of in the past who has used his power to burn the homes and property of those that call themselves Christians. It has been said that while he presents himself as an African American, he is reality under 10 percent so. He has quite blatantly attacked Biblical ideas, twisting Scripture in such a way to mock it and attempt to invalidate it.

This is a man who disturbs me. If I weren’t sure of the victory that Jesus will have upon his imminent return, this man would scare me.

Some food for thought. If you had been thinking of him more positively, I hope you will consider these things carefully. No one in the political realm is perfect, neither has any earthly king ever been. But be wary of the ones that seem to be able to stomach pure evil, and even portray it as good.

Image belongs to my dad, Tom Parsons. You can read about his recent trip out west on his blog, link to your left.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Promises, Promises


Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. – Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Promises, promises.

We all make them. Often flippantly. If we understood how God feels about vows that are broken, how far we stray from his image when we take lightly that which we have said we will do or not do, we would make fewer promises and we would hold to them more relentlessly.

God never breaks his promises. You can be sure that his word is true. So many of his words have already been fulfilled, and a few are left undone, waiting until that perfect time when it will be so.

Tomorrow morning my husband and I will stand before our brothers and sisters with our newborn daughter and make a promise – the same promise we made when her sister and brother were born. We’ll make this promise to the Lord: that we will raise this child to know him. We will give our all to seeing that the Word is planted in her heart as a seed, and we will water and nourish and spend ourselves for that little soul, and when all is said and done we will pray with fervency for her growth into a child of God, and a follower of Christ. We will talk about him when we sit and home and when we walk along the road, when we lie down and when we get up.

If I were counting upon myself or my husband to get all of this done for Talia, I wouldn’t be able to stand up and make this promise with him. I’m so thankful to God that he honors our promises made with trepidation, that he fills us with his spirit and enables us to do what we had no idea how to do in the first place. I’ve seen him working in our family, helping us teach our children who God is and what Jesus has done for them. I’ve seen them begin to respond to his love. I’ve seen my husband and I grow as parents, seeing a greater vision of God’s best for us with each passing year.

So I can happily stand and present this little girl to God, and promise to do with her what is most glorifying to the Lord. I can promise it because I love her, because I love him, and because I know that even when I am at the end of myself and my ability to accomplish anything of value, he’ll do it in me through a power I’ve only begun to understand and recognize.

What promises do you think God might be asking of you today?

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Believe it or Not, Part 2


So I said I would tell my ghost stories in my next entry.

These would probably go over better if we were sitting around a bonfire on a crisp October night roasting marshmallows. But try to imagine the setting and listen to my tales…

I was around 8, and I had some friends over for a sleepover. It was the middle of the night and everyone else had fallen asleep in the back bedroom that I shared with my sister Jenny. Our house was the parsonage of the church next door of which my dad was the pastor. It was an old house, having been a coal miner’s house before it became a parsonage, but it wasn’t scary. I don’t remember ever being bothered by anything upstairs. The old decrepit basement was another story, at least until we had it finished to provide another bedroom. Any time we wanted a good scare we went down there.

But back to my story. It was quiet. I was laying in my sleeping bag staring up at the wall as I tried to fall asleep. My record player was next to me, playing the soundtrack from “Annie.” It was on the song called “We Got Annie.” Suddenly a face appeared in the orange folds of the curtain on the window. I can still recall his face, a man I’d never seen before, with spectacles and a mousy appearance. He wasn’t clear as a person would be, he was transparent, and I only saw his face. He appeared to be staring right at me, but he didn’t speak, and he faded away after a few seconds. I don’t remember feeling scared, just curious. Of course, no one else was awake to corroborate the story. I never saw him again. It is also interesting to note that one of the former pastors had died in the house.

Our old church in Oglesby, Illinois revives many many wonderful memories for me as I grew up. As long as it was filled with people, every room, every corridor and classroom was filled with life and hope. But enter that building by yourself, even during the day but especially after dark – and it was the creepiest place I have ever known.

It was a building from the 30’s, even though the church went back much further. The first building on the site had burned to the ground one night. An old lady named Cynthia who was my Sunday school teacher when I was little lived just a few houses down and recalled that dark night, when the entire neighborhood woke to the eerie sound of the bell from the steeple falling to the ground with a loud clang as the building became ashes.

The new building was a beautiful structure, with high ceilings and a balcony over the auditorium. I spent many an evening in that large room practicing piano – and trying to play loud enough that I wouldn’t hear all the noises around me in the empty hall. There were the explainable pops and gurgles of the old heater, but there were many other sounds as well. Many times I was sure that someone had opened the door and came in, only to find that I was still alone and the door was locked. There was also an old room up in the back of the building that we called “the Upper room.” Many times I was convinced that I heard someone coming down those stairs. No one ever did. I am now 31 years old and I have not lived in Oglesby for 14 years. All my creepiest dreams still take place in that upper room! (It is an interesting note that when the church build a new building in a different location recently, a single woman bought the church to turn it into a residence. I cannot imagine living in that building!)

I must provide a caveat to this story. My mom practiced the piano many nights after we went to bed. I can remember falling asleep to the sound of the piano wafting from the old building next door. She doesn’t remember anything strange ever happening. Nor does my dad who spent many hours in his office alone.

My next story didn’t take place until after I was married, when my husband and I and my sister Kathy and her husband Seth decided to take a trip up to Canada together. We stayed in Goderich, a wonderful little town near the shores of the lake. Our inn was an old house with a lot of character. The last night we stayed there the entertainment downstairs went on till pretty late into the night. Finally things got quiet and we were falling asleep, when suddenly the loud sounds of a dog in the hallway caught our attention. It sounded like a big dog, its claws clicking on the hardwood floor down the corridor to where our room was. It was strange because we hadn’t seen a dog the entire weekend, big or small. Kathy and Seth do not remember hearing the dog. I got down and peered through the crack under the door, and there was nothing there. Nothing. I can’t remember very well, but I believe my husband asked the owner the next morning if they had any dogs, and he said they didn’t.

At the same time, during our first year of marriage, I had some strange things happen in our home. It’s not exactly what you would expect of a haunted house – it is a mass produced Dominion house built in 1987, and it had only one previous owner, a couple that seemed nice enough. But there are two rooms in the house that greatly troubled me when I first moved in – the master bedroom and the bedroom at the end of the hallway, which by the way had a big hole in the door as if someone had kicked it open. One morning after my husband left for work before it was light outside, I woke to the feeling of something sliding across my side. It felt like a belt of some sort. When I sat up and looked, nothing was there. In that room we have had some very strange electrical occurrences as well. My husband is an electrical engineer and could not explain them. One time when his alarm was set to go off for work, and mine was not set at all, MY alarm went off instead and his did not. We have also had other things happen with those clocks, from the music coming on for no reason to having power without being plugged in.

One other thing happened in that house. One evening when Pete was working late I took our dog Ben for a walk. When I got back and was about to unlock and open the front door, I heard someone walking down the stairs. I knew my husband was not home yet, there were no lights on in the house. I was sure someone had broken in, and since I did not know the neighbors yet, I stayed outside for an hour before my husband came home. When he went inside and searched the entire house, he didn’t find a thing out of place, and there was no evidence that anyone had been there. It also bears mention that the light bulb in the light just above the stairs constantly burns out. We replace it extremely often.

Could all these things be my imagination? Of course. I have a vivid imagination and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them were due to my nature. But I can only tell you what I saw, what I heard, what I experienced and leave it for you to decide. I don’t claim proof, only experiences that gave me an interest in the unexplained.

And that’s my story.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Believe it or not


I have a confession to make. I believe in ghosts.

And if we are all to be sincerely honest, there aren’t a lot of people who don’t. But I’m going to be brave and admit it.

This admission comes from the novel I have just begun to write. A ghost story. A ghost story with a message – that God is bigger than we can possibly wrap our minds around and to assume that all we see is all there is significantly sells Him short.

I’ve definitely discovered this truth as I’ve started to research this ethereal subject. The more stories and experiences and yes, even proof, I examine, the more questions I have. The more unsure I am of what I even really believe.

Before I began this project, I was already something of a ghostie. As I recently mentioned, my favorite show growing up was X-files. I like to think about things unexplained, about what everybody scoffs at. But I had my ghostly belief system firmly in place. Seeing an apparition was a time rift. (My sister has a more colorful name for it, ask her if you dare.) Seeing something that happened in another time and place. The theology for this? God is not bound by time. When God sees us, He sees everything that ever happened, everyone that ever lived, every moment of every day of all of existence - all on the same level.

We are so much less powerful, our sphere of reality can only exist inside the time and place He has assigned us. (At least for now!) But due to the imperfect nature of our world, even time can get messed up. So you know that ghost you saw when you were a kid and never told anyone about because you didn’t want to be labeled as crazy? Well, it may have been someone from another time unknowingly peeking in on the present time in the same location. There have also been many reports of the opposite – of people who unknowingly momentarily stepped back into time – becoming the ghost on unsuspecting citizens of the past.

Before the skeptics take aim at my sanity, think about all the proof there is of this phenomena. Pictures taken in old places with lots of history that unexplainably present you with something you can’t explain away – a shadow that shouldn’t be there, a mist that envelopes the smiling face of your loved one, a blurry face of someone you don’t recognize peeking over their shoulder. In the past we blamed this on film and exposure. Now with the rise of digital photography, there aren’t a lot of excuses left.

Next, how else do we explain the noises you blame on your imagination in the middle of the night? How else do we explain the sound of children laughing where there are none, the sound of crying or tapping or bumping of furniture, of footsteps falling heavy upon stairs that are vacant?

Now we move more into conjecture than fact. These things do happen. And I believe a time rift has been all but proven for a good number of these experiences. Why? What makes some events in history so memorable that they must replay over and over again with unrelenting energy? My theory (not just my own, but the one I subscribe to at this moment) is that unrestrained, intense emotional events, whether positive or negative, can leave a sort of imprint on time. Which is why so many ghost stories herald wailing women and murderous crimes and crying children or babies. Which is probably part of the reason why we fear them, even though common sense tells us they will not harm us. I also think that our own intense emotional times might open us up to these strangers who share our experiences. To see what we otherwise would not be able to see.

But since I began this journey into the world of the paranormal, I have let go some of my former assumptions. I used to think that any entity that interacted with us was demonic. And there is plenty of evidence of the dark side of the spirit world manifesting in this way. But if we haven’t been trying to conjure the dead or worship the devil or any sort of activity such as this, and there is an event where a ghostly voice is heard on a recorder answering questions or is seen moving objects or turning electrical devices on and off, what proof is there of evil?

This is where I’ll lose some people. And that’s okay. I’m writing this more to organize my thoughts than to convince the world of the other worlds that exist just out of our realm of vision. When you read my novel, then I’ll convince you. Right now I’m posing possibilities. And what if one of those possibilities is that the dead are able to communicate, once in awhile, with the living? What proof do we the living have of what death is like?

This is where your assumptions, traditions and accepted social ideas kick in. Even as a Christian, you’ve been taught certain passages of the Bible mean certain things. Even more, you’ve been taught to ignore the evidence in the Bible of the other two worlds that exist – of other times, and of the spirit world, both demonic, angelic and Sheol – the realm of the dead.

I first site the passage in I Samuel 28, where Saul asks a witch to conjure up Samuel so he can ask him what to do. Yes, God said not to conjure up the dead. He’s against it. For reasons we don’t need to contemplate, we need to trust Him, and probably have to do with our inability to discern between all the warring entities that are involved in the spirit world. But this passage proves that it CAN be done. Samuel floated up out of the dust and lectured Saul about bothering his rest.

The second story in the Bible to take a good hard look at is the Crucifixion and the Resurrection. Matthew remembers something very interesting about what happened the moment Jesus died. Something we gloss over or ignore. I’ve never heard a preacher mention it in any detail. It seems as Jesus gave up his spirit a whole lot of dead people got up and starting walking around, appearing to people. Was this different than the raising of Lazarus or Jairus’ daughter? I don’t know. I wasn’t there. But it says they “appeared,” it doesn’t say they stuck around long term.

The other is a definition of ghosts that comes to us from Jesus himself, as remembered by someone who reported it to Luke. “Look at my hands and my feet… Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you see I have.”

So, Jesus seems to have believed that ghosts were real. In fact, so did all the Jewish people that grew up around the murky, haunted depths of the Sea of Galilee. It was said to be a portal to the world of the dead. Creepy.

My final piece of evidence comes from the exact same verse I’ve heard referenced my entire life to disprove that the dead can interact with the living. It finally hit me recently how illogical the leap really is. The verse is from 2 Corinthians “Absent from the body, present with the Lord.”

Okay, that’s a wonderful thought. And I am of course looking forward to that moment when I am finally with him. But why would this tell us that to die is to completely vacate? Isn’t the Lord here? And why do we have this vision of the afterlife being lightyears above our world? What verse claims that notion?

I do believe that those who are present with the Lord have better things to do with their time than play games with the living. But the sad fact is that not all the dead are with him. They are in holding pattern for a different fate. And they may have plenty of time on their hands, or even as the rich man begged Lazarus, want to warn the living of what is to come.

So that’s what I think so far. I’m not saying how I envision these things is how they are. I’m just saying.

Next time I’ll tell you my personal experiences that made me interested in these things in the first place.

One last thought to leave with you.... why do you think that you've never heard a ghost story featuring someone from the future? If time is imperfect, shouldn't we be seeing the folks with flying cars and vacations to Mars? Daniel and John did in the Bible. Why doesn't anyone anymore?

Think on that a few minutes and see what you come up with.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A Matter of Trust

My husband would be the first to tell you that I'm a know-it-all. I act like I have every answer to every question, and on plenty of occasions I have given him the impression that there isn't anything that plagues me on a regular basis.

I could say that I'm not a worrier, that I'm just so trusting of God I don't wrestle with anxiety. I could say it, but it would be a lie.

I'm not exempt from worry. I just don't worry about the same things my husband does. In fact, my worry is limited primarily to four people. Pete, Hannah, Noah and Talia.

It may be hormones, having given birth three times in the past five years, but I can make myself physically sick thinking about all the things that could go wrong in the lives of my family members. The last thing I do before I lay my head to the pillow is my nightly rounds, placing my hand on each of them and praying for their safety, health and their relationship with Christ, present and future. There have been times when a health concern in one of their lives tested my faith. There have been times when I've forgotten that God loves them more than I do.

What a welcome thought in a rushing torrent of emotion and fear! That the Lord of all holds each of my dear ones in the palms of His hand, tenderly guiding their steps and protecting their way. That His heart bleeds and pains so much more than even the desperate heart of a wife, a mother. That though He could never be surprised, He is affected by our hurts. He does seek to make our paths straight, and fulfill the desires He's placed so gently and lovingly into our very being.

Life would be a swirling, out of control hurricane of terror were it not for the love of God, shown so perfectly to us through His Son, hanging on a cross, rising from a grave. Life would be impossible if it were random, nonsensical, happenstance. Life is only worth living, worth persevering because of what Jesus did to secure the future.

It all comes to a matter of trust. Will I trust this God who has proven His love so clearly? Will I let Him lead, will I follow carefully the imprint of His feet left along the trail? Will I trust Him enough to keep going, to keep walking, to keep leading my children closer to Him every day we are given?

Can I trust the heart of this Savior, even in such a delicate position as the mother of little ones in a scary world?

I can. I have. I will. Because of who He is, and because of what He's done for me.

Trustworthy. That's what He is to me.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

The Problem of Sin

It's not a popular idea. Never has the concept of sin been so unacceptable in a culture before this day. Never have people tried so relentlessly to claim perfection - to subscribe to the "mostly good" view of humanity.

The problem is that we all know, deep down, whether we admit it or not, that we are sinful. And what does it mean to be sinful? What is sin? Sin is when we miss the mark, when we come up short, when we are incapable of doing what is right 100 percent of the time. And who can claim that they are sinless by that definition? Even if our motive was to continue the rest of our days in perfection, no one would honestly attain to it. We would be quickly betrayed by our own nature. That is why we need police, government, teachers, parents. We need someone in charge, someone or some institution enforcing rules and protecting life. Because without that restraint, we would quickly destroy ourselves.

A good measure of the awareness of sin is to look at another's failure. When you are wronged personally by someone else, you see their sin. You feel the injustice. It is easy to ignore our own tenable character, to justify our intentions and validate our actions. But bear the brunt of someone else's neglect of goodness, and suddenly we are staring sin in the face.

So why do we fight so hard against what we really are? Why are we so determined to prove something a lie that we all know is truth? Is it because to yield to our own helpless state is to give up hope for a better world, a better life, a better outcome once we have completed our days on earth?

God knew that His creation, when given a choice between good and evil, would choose evil. He knew the price for that failure long before he ever set Adam's heart beating. He sent a perfect human form of himself to live among us, to show us what perfection is and what it can accomplish, and then he allowed his only perfect human son to die at the expense of all humanity. An untainted sacrifice was made. Holy life was exchanged as a price for sin, and as a result, the rest of humanity can walk free if they choose to do so.

And we certainly have always had a choice. God is not in the business of controlling our will. He will do what it takes to reach us. He will convince us of our need in the quiet moments of our ponderings. He will show us the answer who hung on the cross, then rose again in victory over death to show us that there is a way for a human being so affected by sin to become spotless, to walk free from our prison, to enjoy immortality and eternal happiness as his grateful offspring. But he won't make that decision for us. He wants us to throw off the burden of our own pride, run into his arms, and never look back at all the darkness we have left behind. He wants us simply to follow him. He will take whatever minute seed of faith that exists in our heart and make it grow - make it flourish into unbelievable beauty.

I have been reading lately in the book of Hosea. Hosea was a prophet who was instructed by God to marry a prostitute. Not only did he ask him to marry her, but to forgive her countless times when she fell back into her old ways. There is a picture I take away from Hosea, one of a righteous man standing in front of an auction block, where his unfaithful wife stands in chains because she has returned to her former ways, returned to the muck that her husband had pulled her out of in the first place. He steps forward. He pays the price for her. He takes her home and loves her, forgives her. Just like Jesus. I’m so glad he was willing to step forward and pay my price. I’m so grateful that I’ve given him my life. And he’s done so much more with it than I ever could have hoped to dream.

Let him do the same for you.

Man's ultimate problem is most definitely our sinful state. Man's ultimate solution is a Savior named Jesus, who loves to save and delights in cleansing a soul. Trust him today with your heavy load of sin. Burdens are lifted at the cross.

“Return… to the Lord your God. Your sins have been your downfall. Take words with you and return to the Lord. Say to him: Forgive all our sins… The ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.” – From Hosea 14

Monday, July 28, 2008

The Glory of Kings

“It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.” Proverbs 25:2

We all have had them. Heroes. Role Models. People whom we never met nor ever will, but nevertheless people who have made an impact on who we were, who we are, and who we will become. The ones that affect us most deeply are the ones who come to us in childhood. To some they are sports figures, reaching and straining toward victory in order to inspire a young mind to never give up. To some they are musicians – singers, band members, who with their music give credence to a young dreamer’s dreams. To some they are great speakers, authors or movie stars.

To me many of them were characters. People who existed only on the page, or the screen, but regardless existed to inspire me with their stories. Anne Shirley, my kindred spirit, who taught me to see the beauty in life even when it is cruel, to press toward dreams and imagination and find a reason to keep getting up each morning. Anna Burenin spoke to me through her amazing courage in the face of poverty and servanthood, that even a peasant woman can become a princess. Maria Von Trapp gave me a song to sing and a hope for love to find me one day. There were others. Elizabeth Delaney, Lou McCloud, Michaela Quinn, Jo March, and so many more, some long forgotten through the years though the mark of their inspiration remained, some that were burned into my memory so deeply that they became part of me.

Two of those characters that became to me almost friends during the formidable years between adolescence and adulthood were Mulder and Scully. Through the experiences of their quest for the truth I learned much about the kind of love that matters, that changes people, that lasts. Through two very imperfect and unrefined souls, a journey ensued that first formed an enviable camaraderie, a balance of two extreme viewpoints, and eventually an inseparable bond that metamorphosed into a highly charged romantic love. A writer could only hope to create two people so perfectly sculpted with the pen to fit together so flawlessly. I suppose in every story I write for the rest of my life their impression will remain.

Why does this matter? I’m sure that’s the question on your mind. It’s the question I asked myself this past weekend as I was able to enjoy once more these beautiful characters on the screen together again after six years. Why should a set of fictional people mean anything more after one has left the theater? Especially to me, as a follower and lover of Christ, as one sent forth by Him to be light, to be salt, to make a difference?

It is because of Christ that they do matter. It is the reflection of him that makes them beautiful. It is sacrificial love that inspires us and makes us see God. It is the ability of a man and a woman to care more for the other than for their own life that helps us know just a fraction of what Christ felt as he hung on the cross in our place.

Take it for what it’s worth. I’m sure there are plenty of you that will read this and roll your eyes. That’s okay. I've always sort of danced to the beat of a different song than everyone else. But if there is a reader who nods their head in appreciation and understanding, then I’m glad I took the time to sort out my thoughts and give honor to my fictional friends Fox and Dana, who after fifteen years are still searching for the truth, searching for God, straining to know why they were put on this earth and who the Creator is, whether cruel or loving, and who we are in all of our evil intents.

I guess I see in them the reflection of so many people, who see God as fearful and harsh in his dealings with man, but who long for him and hope to know his love and forgiveness. God may conceal a matter. It is his right as God. But he rewards the soul that searches out his heart, who finds the truth through all the darkness of this life. His word promises it. His Son secured it.

It is only ours to accept it.

So, in the immortal words of a man who wants to believe, “The truth is out there.” Keep searching, and you’ll find it. You’ve got the word of the author of the universe on that one.

Monday, July 14, 2008

A Statement

After ignoring the nudging within to join a new friend and fellow blogger's blog tour until the very last minute, I'm here and ready to make a statement. I've come to realize that I need a purpose if I am to truly find out what God would have me do with this blog He urged me to start. I guess I'm here to discover my mission in writing Captive Thoughts.

I'm a writer. I have no doubt of that any longer. I used to. I used to be embarrassed that I should be so vain to think that anyone would want to read what I write. Last night my husband was reading my latest novel quite past his usual time to be fast asleep. He turned to me and smiled sheepishly. "I keep saying I'm going to stop after the next page, but it's getting good and I want to find out what happens next."

Little did he know his words made my spirit soar. Little did he know that he had given me the best encouragement and validation as a writer that was humanly possible. He wanted to keep reading.

So with that wordy introduction I come to my point. Here is what I hope that God will be able to do through this ministry of writing He has given me. Because He has given it to me. He has called me to write. And if God calls you to do something, He'll finish what He starts.

Mission Statement for Captive Thoughts:

1. God's glory.

There is no greater privilege and calling for a Christian then to bring the God of the universe a small amount of the glory and honor He deserves. If my writing can point others to how wonderful this amazing God really is, then I have not wasted my time.

2. That readers would see Jesus and His love and sacrifice for them.

The more I grow and learn about him, the more I want others to see who he is, especially my friends and family that may not know him. And I know I have readers who need to see him more clearly and understand his love and passion to reach them. It has also been my privilege to be given a great interest in the culture and people of Israel in the first century. I am delighted at any opportunity to share the knowledge that I have been able to gather due to such an interest. If I have been so enriched by knowing it, others might be as well.

3. To hone my skills by regular use.

Any serious writer will tell you that it takes regular practice to be a writer. You have to discipline yourself to write on a constant basis. A blog is a great way to do that.

4. To become more transparent.

I love to write fiction. Fiction seems to come into my head faster than I can type and I have 4 full length novels from the past 4 years to prove it. But I have a harder time being real, being me. Writing from my own experiences and feelings. For some reason those are harder to bring to the paper or computer screen. But I want to grow in my non-fiction writing as well, so I need to learn to share the things that are hard to share, to bleed my own pain into words that others might find some use in their own struggles for what I've already been through.


So there it is. My mission for this blog. I'm glad I got that down. Maybe this entry is more for me than anyone else.

Check out the rest of the blog tour at http://becomingmethruhim.blogspot.com/ ! There are some great bloggers with some great ideas to share, you won't be sorry for the time you spend reading.

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