Homesick for Heaven

Today, I'm a little more homesick for heaven.

Before he was there, the thought didn't cross my mind as much. I knew that heaven waited for me. I knew that Jesus was there, and that I'd see Him when my time here is through. But now, there is a tangible part of my being present in that mysterious other world, for this very moment my grandpa walks with Christ.

Some never know their grandparents. Those that do might not ever be close to them, know enough about who they are to really come to love them in any sort of depth.

I had the blessing of a grandpa who wanted to know me. Who wanted to be part of my life, who wanted to share all that he was with us, his nine grandchildren. What a wealth of memories are stored up within my mind! Grandpa was an element of so many wonderful adventures from my childhood. He always had a plan, something he wanted to teach us. He took us for truck rides through the woods, he played basketball with us, he tried to teach us how to play tennis and card games. He videotaped every major event and plenty of minor events in our lives. He said little with words, but so much with his heart, his passion for life, his convictions about his Lord. Though I don't remember a single time he said "I love you" there was not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that he did. He showed it through his time, his energy, his actions, his smile.

Now, he can't mow the lawn or ride his bike or take videos of great-grandchildren or watch a game on television. He can't tease my grandma or sit by her side at the doctor's office. But he can do plenty of things that he could never do before.

He can look on the face of Jesus. He can walk with him, talk with him, share joy with the Savior that I can only imagine. No longer do the weight of memories of war and loss and heartache burden his spirit. No longer does the horrors of cancer ravage his person. He is whole. He is happy. He has found perfect peace, perfect love, perfect life. All because one night many years ago he attended a revival meeting and discovered that there was a Savior Who could be the answer to all of the plagues and doubts that marked his life. Jesus could save him, could set him on a new path and give him ever increasing joy and peace first in this life, but ultimately in the next.

And on Valentine's Day last week, he finally laid down the shell of his worn and weary body and flew to heights yet unknown to me.

I'm sad. Because I know there's no way I'll ever lay eyes even once more on his precious face this side of glory. Because I know that Grandma is alone for the first time in 62 years. Because my mom and my aunt have lost a man that meant the world to them. Because all of my sisters and cousins have lost the greatest grandfather in the world.

But I'm so incredibly happy for him. It's a relief to know that his burdens have been laid down. And my heart has become homesick for a sweet land I am destined for. A beautiful place of joy where two very special people wait. Jesus and Grandpa.

Face to face with Christ, my Savior
Face to face—what will it be,
When with rapture I behold Him
Jesus Christ Who died for me?

Face to face I shall behold Him
Far beyond the starry sky;
Face to face in all His glory
I shall see Him by and by!

This blog entry is dedicated to the memory of my grandfather, John Herman Hubble, soldier, teacher... husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather... April 11, 1921-February 14, 2008.

The Eye of the Needle

This is the home I lived in as a child.

No one would have accused our family of living in extravagance in our little parsonage on Porter Street. In fact, I would have found it quite amusing to have been labeled as wealthy. But I was. I am. So are you.

Jesus had concerns about rich people. If you're anything like me, you've probably breathed an inward sigh of relief that you were not among the unfortunate few who found themselves the possessors of great amounts of wealth. The ones Jesus said would have a very hard time figuring out what His Kingdom was all about. Turns out, we are.

This has been a recurrent theme in my questioning mind in recent days and months. I read a book recently that posed the question of what the biblical mindset was: to use God-given wealth to make myself and my family comfortable, or to give everything away and live as a pauper in hopes of escaping the fate of trying to fit through that tiny eye of the needle Jesus spoke of. I came away with no sure answer. But I think I grasp a little better what Jesus may have been trying to say.

The Bible is clear that God is the giver of all that we own. The way He has created this world rewards faithfulness and provides in result of wise decisions. No one can say that money is evil. The Bible certainly doesn't say that. Some of the most godly and wise followers of God were wealthy beyond imagination. Think of King David and his son Solomon.

What the Bible warns against is the love of money. Love that supercedes our love for God. Love that says I'd rather have my things than be in the center of His will. Love that wouldn't be willing to give it all up if it kept me from getting through that needle's eye. Love that looks at the face of poverty and desperation and says that there is nothing I can do to help.

Of course, we have all heard the explanation of what Jesus was probably saying as he spoke those words. There was a very small opening into Jerusalem, one that was referred to as the "eye of the needle." It was not impossible to enter. But it was hard. It meant bending down. It meant getting off your camel and making yourself smaller in order to get through to the city. If you were already small, it was not as difficult.

If a person already has a correct view of themselves, seeing themself as small, as unworthy in the shadow of a mighty Creator, it's easier to see what God is all about. If we have an inflated projection of our own worth due to our comfortable circumstances, we require humbling to get into His presence.

So the question today is not whether you or I are rich. We are. If you live more to be comfortable than to survive, you have far surpassed the status of the humble. The question is also not really "Will you give up everything to prove your humility?" The question that Christ poses to you in light of this knowledge is simply this...

How much are you willing to give back to Me should I ask it of you?

The Outer Fringes

Tonight as I stood in my kitchen talking to my husband, I suddenly received a blow to the abdomen by a four year old's head, a four year old eager for some maternal attention. The unexpected assault took my breath away. But for the first time in this pregnancy, my thoughts were turned to someone else who was involved.

There, inside my stomach, little feet and hands flailed in as much surprise as I had. This baby has been so quiet, so still, that it's hard to remember that there is a little person somewhere inside. Tonight he or she (my feeling says "she") made her presence known in the wake of such an injustice.

I was suprised by the feeling that overwhelmed me. Not so much that I was moved to concern for my unborn child, but that for the first time I realized that for all of the sickness and trouble that has been the past 18 weeks, there is a very good reason right inside my person - a reason that kicks in protest when his/her older sister wages an attack. A reason that sucks her thumb or gets the hiccoughs or takes a nap.

God has created life. That's amazing in itself. But to think that this protruding stomach houses one of my precious children that I will meet in 20 weeks or so - it's just overwhelming. Humbling. Who am I that He would use me for such an amazing purpose?

So tonight I appreciate the Creator of not just my daughter and my son, but my third child, mysterious as yet he or she is. This intimate and personal sharing of space with this little unknown being is showing me the beauty, the majesty, and the unbelievable creativity of a God I love more with every moment.

"...And these are but the outer fringe of his works; how faint the whisper we hear of him! Who then can understand the thunder of his power?" - Job 26:14