A New Project

I've started a new project. I'm putting myself on notice with the blog "The Home Life Improvement Project" that in the next year I and my family will become more responsible in the areas of finances, environmental issues, health, our relationship with God and with others. If you are curious, if you would like to join the project or if you just want to make fun of me, feel free to check it out!

Click on "A New Project" to find out more.

This Crazy Life of Mine

"When are you going to blog again?" a friend asks.

Oh, yes.. blogging. Right after I get the laundry caught up, do a load of dishes, change diapers, feed everyone... then I'll blog. Wait - first I need to get on the elliptical for awhile and shower, then I better vacuum because the dog hair is piling up - oh, and then we have a doctor's appointment to evaluate that cyst growing on the back of Hannah's knee... Maybe tonight after I make dinner, clean up after dinner, give baths, put clothes away - then I'll have a chance. As it turns out - storms roll in, and Talia wakes up screaming. That sets John off. John doesn't return to sleep for another hour or so - well after my own bedtime. And by that time in the middle of the night I am doing well to read my Bible and pray for a few minutes... eyes close... it all starts again!

That wasn't my answer. "I've been researching for my next novel."

"And you have four children?" she reminded me with a smile.

"If I made that an excuse, I'd never write!"

It's true. While writing the above lines, I have been interrupted four times, I am a half-hour overdue to feed my baby, my hair is wet from my shower and needing to be blow-dried. Supper needs to be started, and I just remembered today I promised to help out on my writer's group site with articles, AND I need to make cookies for Bible school next week. And Noah and Talia can't do their summer reading chart on their own. Oh, and groceries. We're out of milk!

It's crazy. My personality generally means I am someone who can be depended on to get things done - and fast! But this crazy life of mine sometimes gets the best of me. I will admit if I didn't write or read, I'd have a hard time picking up the same shoes ten times a day. The sometimes tedious life of a mom of four is definitely a blessing - but there's no question about it's difficulty.

As you can probably guess - I wouldn't trade it for the world.

And I just got interrupted again.

And I think Talia is pouring water all over the bathroom floor.

Ah, this crazy life of mine! Thank you Lord for making my most precious dreams come true.

Say Amen

"Say Amen, Tal!" I say as we finish the prayer for the food at lunch. My two year old lifts her big blue eyes to mine and stubbornly yells "No!"

"No nummies till you say Amen." I sigh. It's become a daily struggle. Every meal. She'll say "Thank you Jesus" and "Amen" all day long, but if she's sitting at the table and it's time to eat, she simply refuses to comply.

I thought my first two children were strong-willed. I didn't yet know the meaning of the term. When Talia joined our family and became my daughter, it didn't take long to figure out that Talia wants Talia's way and will fight to the end to get it.

I'm not very strong willed. I'm a firstborn who likes to take care of people and seeks peace and harmony. If someone asks me to do something, and I can't find any reason to believe it's wrong to do it, I'll do just about anything. I can't understand why a barely two-year-old girl would put her meal on great hold just because she doesn't want to obey.

And it bothers me as her mom to withhold her food until she is finally broken down enough to mumble something through her tears that sounds remotely like "Amen." I want her to have her nourishment. I want her to grow into a strong, healthy young woman.

But I want her to love God more.

And so I fight, knowing that this struggle now while she is so young and tender will give her an easier life, and a better relationship not only with the people around her but most importantly with her Savior.

It makes me see Jesus so much more clearly. He doesn't want us to suffer. He hates it when we cry, when we struggle, when we lose. He created us to be eternally happy and carefree. But he knows that a little struggle now is what causes us to trust. To be put to the test where we are forced to stand up and choose whether we will follow God or follow ourself is His gift to us - the gift of choice.

I can choose to love Him, to serve Him, and to trust Him no matter what. And in return - I receive the benefit of joy and peace, no matter what. Or I'm free to refuse.

But that means no lunch. And who wouldn't want to eat a feast when it's set before you?

God has set before you life everlasting and happy or eternity without Him. All you have to do is be humble enough to admit you need Him. You need what He sacrificed for you on the cross. You need the power that raised Him from the dead. You believe His Word and you want to belong to Him.

You'll never regret "saying Amen" to your Creator.

You will most certainly regret the alternative.

"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life." - Deuteronomy 30:19-20

A Better Plan and a New Life Beginning

I return to my horribly neglected blog to announce the arrival of a pretty special little person. My fourth child, John Michael, arrived safe and sound at 7:43 pm on April 11th, 2010. He weighed 10 pounds, 3 ounces, and was 22 inches long.

That's the short story. Now for the long version!

I have four children. I have two boys, two girls, all spaced a couple years apart. I asked God for just this scenario before I even knew if I would be able to conceive one of them. I asked for them in the exact order they arrived, I knew all their names before they were even created, and each one of them is exactly who I hoped they would be. This little one, John, is named for my grandfather who passed away 2 years ago - a great man who loved God and was a shining example to his family. My mom had always hoped for a son or a grandson named John after her father. When I found out that I was expecting this baby, I read from Psalm 103 the same day. "The Lord is gracious and compassionate." At that moment I knew that this would be my mom's baby John, as "John" means "The Lord is gracious." I didn't tell her. I didn't tell anyone save my husband, who admired my grandfather and completely agreed with the choice. I also came to realize soon after that this baby was due exactly two weeks after Grandpa's birthday. At that moment I began to pray almost daily that God would allow this baby to be born on the same day. Guess what? My compassionate Lord brought John Michael into this world on April 11, 2010, exactly 89 years after he brought John Herman Hubble into the world.

So I know it seems odd to title this post "A Better Plan." God did answer some pretty specific prayers. I am thankful to Him for all that He gave me, for all the hopes and dreams He answered so lovingly. I can see the smile on His face as I presented little John to his grandmother just over a week ago. I think God thought that was pretty special too.




I had a few other requests too. I wanted a natural, hitch free labor and delivery. I definitely wanted nothing to do with surgery, which was one of my greatest fears. I wanted an average sized baby and an uneventful pregnancy.

At 32 weeks I went into the hospital with high blood pressure. The next 6 weeks were a rough walk through a valley of bedrest, hospital stays, tests and scary predictions of this baby's size. By 38 weeks I was ready for my prayer to be answered and my baby boy to be born healthy in the appropriate way. Oh, I expected hiccups. My other labors were long and hard. My body never seems to work the right way, my babies never seem to be in the right position. This time was no different. I had wonderful nurses who did their best to help me help the baby into the right position, but John's rather large head was cock-eyed and not in a great position for birth. When the time came, I pushed and pushed with all my might, but the epidural I had cut out on the right side of my body and the pain and intensity of pushing quickly began to overwhelm me. At that time the baby started to show signs of distress, and you could feel it in the room. Everyone knew that my chance to deliver my baby myself was over.

"It's time." the doctor decided, and as much as I didn't want to hear it, I heard my gracious and compassionate Savior speaking through him. "It's time, my child. Time to let go of your plan and accept mine. Time to let me prove that even if your worst fears come to life, I will still be with you. I will still be God, and you will still be loved."

So with tears pouring down my face and with a terror I've never felt before, I was wheeled to the operating room. As the flurry of activity around me went on, I looked for my husband, but he wasn't there. The only face leaning over me was a stranger's. I didn't even see my nurse. I was alone.

But I wasn't. Someone was there. I could feel Him more acutely than I could even feel my husband, who eventually took the seat next to me and gripped my hand, obviously as scared as I was. I asked him afterward if someone had been holding my feet during the operation, and he couldn't recall anyone being there. But I remember more clearly than anything else that happened in that room, even though I was numb from the waist down - someone was holding my feet, and that feeling comforted me more than anything else. As I focused on it, I stopped crying, I started praying, and I waited for my baby to be freed from my body.

He wasn't freed without a cost. I have a painful incision wound across my abdomen that I will carry for the rest of my life as a scar. I have internal wounds that will not allow me to ever have another child any way other than another surgery.

But God got John here. And in the process He was able to use the scariest event of my life to show me that He will ALWAYS be there, and I can do ALL things through Him who is my strength.

So take it from me, if your worst dreams suddenly come to life, if you can't figure out why in the world a God who is supposed to love you would let you suffer in the way you are hurting... remember to look around with spirit eyes, because I promise you He's there in the room... perhaps holding your feet with a grip of love.

"Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you if there's a God who loves you? Where is He now? Well maybe there are things you can't see and all those things are happening to bring a better ending someday somehow you'll see... you'll see... Would you dare, would you dare to believe that you still have a reason to sing because the pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming. Come on you got to wait for the light, press on and just fight the good fight, because the pain that you've been feeling is just the hurt before the healing... the pain that you've been feeling is just the dark before the morning." - Josh Wilson

Heaven Song

A Goodbye

Nellie Mae Doughty was born on July 25, 1925. I didn’t get to meet her until fifty-one years later, as Nellie Mae Hubble. But I got to hear about the adventures she had in the meantime. She grew up in Missouri with a bunch of brothers and sisters, which is why we always teased her about her “hillbilly” ways. She was pretty young when she fell in love with a soldier headed off to WWII. She told me that she didn’t know if he felt the same way until he kissed her goodbye instead of her cousin. He alone out of his group came back, and decided he would like to marry this beautiful girl.

Despite her obvious admiration, she didn’t make wooing an easy task for Grandpa. He had to ask quite a few times before she finally agreed to marry him. She planned her perfect church wedding, but a blood test result didn’t come back in time for Grandpa. So did they postpone the happy event? No, they crossed line into Arkansas where a blood test was not required and got married by a justice of the peace.

She had two daughters, though she always said she would have liked to have a big family. Little did she know at the time that God was planning on giving her nine grandchildren and 24 great-grandchildren before her time here was done.

It’s hard to know where to begin to speak about what my grandma meant to me. She wasn’t your typical grandma, but then she wasn’t your typical anything! Even if she weren’t the second most important woman in the world to me, it would have been hard not to love her.

I can categorize some of the wealth of memories within by using the five senses. Smells will forever be an instant reminder of my grandma. I remember sneaking into her room after she had finished putting on her makeup and doing her hair. The smell of aqua net hair spray, the fresh scent of her powder, and the light musky perfume that lingered in the air all serve as reminders of her to this day.

There are tastes that I’m sure she wasn’t planning on us remembering her by, but nevertheless we always will. Dr. Pepper, Kentucky Fried Chicken, her Thanksgiving dressing, ice cream sandwiches, just to name a few.

Seeing the pictures she took over the years, though she was always trying to stay out of them herself, reminds me of her. Always armed with her Polaroid camera, forever trying to capture moments and make them hers forever.

Hearing the stories she told while we sat at the kitchen table late into the night, sometimes a few of us, sometimes just the two of us. I got to hear all the stories that everyone else heard too, such as the cigar eating, the lost baby alligator, and the “Shower” incident, as well as a few that I never expected, and promised not to repeat. Grandma wasn’t one to hide her regrets or failures. She probably figured we could learn from them. And I for one, did.

I will always remember the touch of Grandma’s hands. They weren’t always gentle, such as when she would hold you down and tickle you or pinch you so hard she left a bruise. Her hands were rather frail for the last few years. But she had a way of communicating with her grip the love she felt for you, the will she had to hold you there forever so you wouldn’t go running back off into life, but stay with her instead. I always wished I could. It was hard to leave. Her touch may be the only thing some of her great-grandchildren will ever remember of her. Even in her last days, she was always on the floor crawling around with babies, carrying around toddlers that were too heavy for her, snuggling newborns even as she desperately tried to remember their names and which grandchild they belonged to.

Even as I try to draw this to a close, memories come rushing through my mind. How I could never win a game of Scrabble against her as hard as I tried, and how easy she made it look. How she’d bicker and carry on with Grandpa just to get a laugh out of us. I remember she’d lose Jenny and me in the store and hide in the clothes racks so we couldn’t find her. She had a funny way of acting like a ditz even though we both knew that she was smarter than I’d ever be.

Thank you, Grandma, for the legacy of faith. For the example of determination and spirit, and a life finished well. Thank you for being one of the best friends I’ve ever had. For loving me through the toughest times in life. For believing in me, delighting in me, and always telling me the truth.

I can’t wait to see you again. I love you more than these inadequate words can express.

Goodbye…. For now.

Fun Recipe Resource

Today's Pick of the Day - http://homeandfamily-miranda.blogspot.com/

The Solution to Winter Dry Hands

Day 3 of my top picks for home and family - the solution to dry skin issues. http://homeandfamily-miranda.blogspot.com/

New Post in Home and Family

Click on the link for my pick of the day!  http://homeandfamily-miranda.blogspot.com/

Taking Blogging to New Places

One of my goals for 2010 is to expand my blog. I've added an area dedicated to writing, which will mark my personal journey to authorhood as well as share authors, books and writing resources that have been helpful to me. You will find the link to this area at the top left.

Another area that has been added is Home and Family. This area will be reserved for ideas, resources and links to things that have become invaluable to me as homemaker, wife and mom. I've found I've gathered quite a bit of information in my ten years pursuing this goal, and it is time it was shared.

The main area will remain my focus for my wandering thoughts, mostly devotional in nature. As I learn more about the resources available to blogs, I will continue to improve this site and transform it into something that is useful to others and not just a personal journal. My goal as a writer is to meet the needs of others, not only to satisfy my personal need to muse in the form of words.

So I welcome feedback in the form of comments or emails. If you have any ideas for me, let me know!

Watch and Pray

2010. It's not just a new year. It's a new decade. Full of possibilities and inevitable change. There are some dire predictions for the next decade, and whether or not they will hold any credence remains to be seen.

Have you noticed how change makes us uneasy? I'm not sure why that is, but I suppose it is at least partly because change is a human trait, not divine. God doesn't change. But the comforting fact is that He allows change and decrees change in order to bring us closer to the image of Jesus.

As I went to bed last night, I asked God to tell me what business I should be about in this new coming year. I turned to my place in the gospel of Matthew, and commenced my reading about the experiences in the Garden of Gethsemane that fateful night. I realized how much I - and the church as a whole - resemble the sleeping disciples. Would they have been sleeping if they really had any idea what would unfold in the next few hours? Would we be so complacent and content if we had any idea what the next few years held in store?

The words of advice were clear. "Watch and pray, so you don't fall into temptation" -red letters seeming to emphasize the importance of the command.

There's no getting around it. I'm pretty content where I am. I'm not easily moved at the idea of changing my life, even for the glory of God. But what if there's more to why He has me here than grocery shopping and exercising on my eliptical, making lesson plans for homeschool and singing in the church choir? What if His glory requires that I let go of the lifestyle I'm so comfortable in? Even if it doesn't at this point in time, something tells me that "watching and praying" doesn't happen without being willing to do so.

So my goal for 2010 is to learn how to watch and pray. Bigger things are coming than we are capable of imagining. The closer we come to the culmination of this world's eventual demise, the more important it will be that we be paying attention. Watching. Praying. Willing to give up our desires for His plans for us. More mature in our thinking and focused on why we are here than how we can make ourselves more happy.

No more sleeping disciples while Jesus pleads for watchful prayer. The Holy Spirit will help us in our weakness if we will let Him.

Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."

When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.

Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!"