God Guides, Continued

In my last post I talked about two families that recently made an impact on me. I wrote that I was willing and desirous for God to lead our own family to new spiritual heights, whatever they might be. I knew that making such a statement would result in new things coming our way. I wasn't disappointed.

My first thought at the time of my last post was concerning the rest of my family. How would they feel about the promises I wished to make, the sacrifices I was willing to give? Before I could tell my husband what was on my mind, he began to say the same things. Our study of the Word was leading us both down the same path. God was seeking to unite our hearts as one before Him.

And He's led in some unexpected directions. I expected fanfare, international assignments, book deals and miraculous appointments. God had other plans.

Immediately I was convicted about certain avenues of our life that are not exactly honoring to God. Pete and I have both been pressed in our spirit about taking careful note of all the television and online entertainment we have enjoyed in the past. If I were to list the culprits that have not measured up, you wouldn't be shocked by what we were watching. Most would consider it tame. It's funny how getting even a step closer to the Lord puts a spotlight on our most normal and accepted vices. We're still praying about a few, and thinking through the pros and cons carefully. It's harder for me as a writer to work through the discernment process because my thoughts are always on the story. To me, content can be validated by overall message. I know that not every Christian can appreciate this freedom, but my concern is that the message at the end of a movie or a program or a book, any kind of story, really, have some sort of value to character, to spirit or to the upholding of what is good and right - the essence of truth. If it does, then the content is usually, within reason and age appropriateness, of lesser concern to me. The story is everything. So I am working through why I engage with a particular story and what value it holds for me or our family.

We've also felt the need to begin reading the Bible and praying as a family daily, or as close to daily as we can get. The key here is doing it because we want to know Christ better, because we want to be involved in the process of change for us and for others by way of prayer. If you try to do something in order to check it off the list and say you've done it, even if it's done for God, it will fail. Our biggest obstacle in this arena is my husband's schedule. He has been very busy at work, sometimes working later into the evening. He leaves before the sun is up. We are hoping God will continue to work out this commitment and that we will see Him provide time where there is none.

We've also been impacted to think more seriously about missions and service. Not necessarily taking trips around the world, though we are open to that, but praying that God would show us new avenues to share His love with needy people. We are looking forward to seeing how He leads us down this particular path in the next few years.

So there you have it, my update of sorts to my previous post. I'm praying that you are finding your way in the wonderful adventure God has planned for your life as well.

Where God Guides, God Provides

Where God guides, God provides. - Michelle Duggar, "20 and Counting"

It's easy to say. It's much more difficult to live by this statement.

I've been reading "Multiple Blessings" by Kate Gosselin and "20 and Counting" by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar. Their families have become special to ours, as the very little television we watch as a family usually involves one or the other's TLC program. If you are not familiar with these families, I'll introduce you. Though not in their plan, Jon and Kate Gosselin, already parents of twin girls, became the parents of healthy sextuplets, three more girls and three boys. The Duggars, who began their family 25 years ago, felt that God was leading them after a heartbreaking miscarriage to leave the details of how many children God would give them in His capable hands. Having just added their eighteenth to the clan last month, they don't regret that choice for a second and have seen God do amazing things in their home.

These families, and particularly these two mothers, have affected me deeply. I am astounded at their stories, and so convicted for the small worries and selfish desires I let control my decisions and my attitude and actions as a wife and mother.

Both of these women are committed Christians. What convicts me is their willingness to put their lives, their families, their good, challenging, and even bad moments on display for the world to look at. They don't try to portray themselves or their family in any light besides the truth. We've watched Kate have quite a few meltdowns and tense moments with her husband. But when it is all said and done, she doesn't try to excuse her behavior. She refuses to hide who she is and quite honestly explains that she is a work in progress. What is so incredibly encouraging about her sincerity is that you can point to a time in the past when she was less able to deal with stress, when she was more disrespectful of her husband, and less patient with her kids. She's growing. She's becoming more like Jesus. And whatever point we start at, God only asks us to do one thing. Get better. Slowly, quickly, whatever we can do, to keep plodding on, putting one foot in front of the other toward the goal.

Michelle was incredibly open in her book about how far she has come in her walk with Christ, and some of the sinful habits and thoughts that God has led her through and allowed her to master. I had assumed that she must have extremely easy pregnancies to be pregnant for 144 months of her life. She doesn't. She has morning sickness, she's had problems such as preeclampsia and transverse presentations requiring c-sections, she has a terrible time breastfeeding even now.

But what surprises me and intrigues me the most is the honest answer these two women give to the question "How in the world do you do that?" They quickly reply that it's not easy. It's downright impossible. But for every step that they take in faith, trusting God to provide, even when the way is completely dark and frightening, He is there. Miraculously, graciously, lovingly, He is there. Assuring them that whatever is given to Him will succeed.

Neither of these women asked for God to please give them so many children and challenges. But I find myself almost a little envious. Not of the struggles, but of the path that they have been on with the Lord. They've got to see His faithfulness in a way that most of us just don't allow Him to show us.

We've adopted the policy that this world offers. If something is hard, if something seems impossible or impractical or painful, forget it. Avoid it at all costs. Take whatever measures necessary to protect yourself. I've thought this way about a lot of medical problems I've had, and even about my difficult pregnancies, the complications I've experienced in just three births.

But reading or watching the stories of what God can do makes me sad to realize all the blessing I have missed because of my unwillingness to let God do big, hard things in my life. I want to know Him. My life verses, chosen in Rome 14 years ago as I beheld what the early Christians were willing to sacrifice for Christ, came from Philippians 3. "I want to know Christ, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, become like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection of the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on toward the goal for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

God's leading me back to that place. (He doesn't let things go, does He?) He gently keeps on speaking. Will you trust Me to do greater things in your life? Part of me begs Him not to. But a bigger part of me really wants to know Him more deeply, to see the things He can do with me, with our family if we let Him.

So you can mark this day as the day I gave it all up. I offered my body a living sacrifice today, to do whatever God sees fit. I'll keep you posted on what He does. And know I haven't promised Him everything lightly. I'm scared to death. But He keeps whispering "Give Me all," and I can't ignore His silent instruction any longer.

Can you?

It's time for healing, time to move on.
It's time to fix whats been broken too long.
Time to make right, what has been wrong.
It's time to find my way to where I belong.

There's a wave that's crashing over me,
and all I can do is surrender.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
it feels like chaos but somehow theres peace.
And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
but I'm giving into something heavenly.

time for a milestone, time to begin again,
re-evaluate who I really am.
Am I doing everything to follow your will?
I'm just climbing aimlessly over these hills.

So show me what it is you want from me,
I'd give everything, I surrender to...

Whatever you're doing inside of me.
It feels like chaos but somehow theres peace.
And though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
I'm giving into something heavenly.
Something heavenly...

Time to face up, clean this old house.
Time to breathe in, and let everything out,
that I've wanted to say, for so many years.
Time to release some of held back tears.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
it feels like chaos but I believe...

You're up to something bigger than me,
larger than life, something heavenly.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
it feels like chaos but now I can see...
This is something bigger than me,
larger than life, something heavenly.
Something heavenly...

It's time to face up, clean this old house.
Time to breathe in, and let everything out. - Sanctus Real "Whatever You're Doing"

Check out the Gosselin's or the Duggar's websites, links to your left!