A Matter of Trust

My husband would be the first to tell you that I'm a know-it-all. I act like I have every answer to every question, and on plenty of occasions I have given him the impression that there isn't anything that plagues me on a regular basis.

I could say that I'm not a worrier, that I'm just so trusting of God I don't wrestle with anxiety. I could say it, but it would be a lie.

I'm not exempt from worry. I just don't worry about the same things my husband does. In fact, my worry is limited primarily to four people. Pete, Hannah, Noah and Talia.

It may be hormones, having given birth three times in the past five years, but I can make myself physically sick thinking about all the things that could go wrong in the lives of my family members. The last thing I do before I lay my head to the pillow is my nightly rounds, placing my hand on each of them and praying for their safety, health and their relationship with Christ, present and future. There have been times when a health concern in one of their lives tested my faith. There have been times when I've forgotten that God loves them more than I do.

What a welcome thought in a rushing torrent of emotion and fear! That the Lord of all holds each of my dear ones in the palms of His hand, tenderly guiding their steps and protecting their way. That His heart bleeds and pains so much more than even the desperate heart of a wife, a mother. That though He could never be surprised, He is affected by our hurts. He does seek to make our paths straight, and fulfill the desires He's placed so gently and lovingly into our very being.

Life would be a swirling, out of control hurricane of terror were it not for the love of God, shown so perfectly to us through His Son, hanging on a cross, rising from a grave. Life would be impossible if it were random, nonsensical, happenstance. Life is only worth living, worth persevering because of what Jesus did to secure the future.

It all comes to a matter of trust. Will I trust this God who has proven His love so clearly? Will I let Him lead, will I follow carefully the imprint of His feet left along the trail? Will I trust Him enough to keep going, to keep walking, to keep leading my children closer to Him every day we are given?

Can I trust the heart of this Savior, even in such a delicate position as the mother of little ones in a scary world?

I can. I have. I will. Because of who He is, and because of what He's done for me.

Trustworthy. That's what He is to me.

The Problem of Sin

It's not a popular idea. Never has the concept of sin been so unacceptable in a culture before this day. Never have people tried so relentlessly to claim perfection - to subscribe to the "mostly good" view of humanity.

The problem is that we all know, deep down, whether we admit it or not, that we are sinful. And what does it mean to be sinful? What is sin? Sin is when we miss the mark, when we come up short, when we are incapable of doing what is right 100 percent of the time. And who can claim that they are sinless by that definition? Even if our motive was to continue the rest of our days in perfection, no one would honestly attain to it. We would be quickly betrayed by our own nature. That is why we need police, government, teachers, parents. We need someone in charge, someone or some institution enforcing rules and protecting life. Because without that restraint, we would quickly destroy ourselves.

A good measure of the awareness of sin is to look at another's failure. When you are wronged personally by someone else, you see their sin. You feel the injustice. It is easy to ignore our own tenable character, to justify our intentions and validate our actions. But bear the brunt of someone else's neglect of goodness, and suddenly we are staring sin in the face.

So why do we fight so hard against what we really are? Why are we so determined to prove something a lie that we all know is truth? Is it because to yield to our own helpless state is to give up hope for a better world, a better life, a better outcome once we have completed our days on earth?

God knew that His creation, when given a choice between good and evil, would choose evil. He knew the price for that failure long before he ever set Adam's heart beating. He sent a perfect human form of himself to live among us, to show us what perfection is and what it can accomplish, and then he allowed his only perfect human son to die at the expense of all humanity. An untainted sacrifice was made. Holy life was exchanged as a price for sin, and as a result, the rest of humanity can walk free if they choose to do so.

And we certainly have always had a choice. God is not in the business of controlling our will. He will do what it takes to reach us. He will convince us of our need in the quiet moments of our ponderings. He will show us the answer who hung on the cross, then rose again in victory over death to show us that there is a way for a human being so affected by sin to become spotless, to walk free from our prison, to enjoy immortality and eternal happiness as his grateful offspring. But he won't make that decision for us. He wants us to throw off the burden of our own pride, run into his arms, and never look back at all the darkness we have left behind. He wants us simply to follow him. He will take whatever minute seed of faith that exists in our heart and make it grow - make it flourish into unbelievable beauty.

I have been reading lately in the book of Hosea. Hosea was a prophet who was instructed by God to marry a prostitute. Not only did he ask him to marry her, but to forgive her countless times when she fell back into her old ways. There is a picture I take away from Hosea, one of a righteous man standing in front of an auction block, where his unfaithful wife stands in chains because she has returned to her former ways, returned to the muck that her husband had pulled her out of in the first place. He steps forward. He pays the price for her. He takes her home and loves her, forgives her. Just like Jesus. I’m so glad he was willing to step forward and pay my price. I’m so grateful that I’ve given him my life. And he’s done so much more with it than I ever could have hoped to dream.

Let him do the same for you.

Man's ultimate problem is most definitely our sinful state. Man's ultimate solution is a Savior named Jesus, who loves to save and delights in cleansing a soul. Trust him today with your heavy load of sin. Burdens are lifted at the cross.

“Return… to the Lord your God. Your sins have been your downfall. Take words with you and return to the Lord. Say to him: Forgive all our sins… The ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.” – From Hosea 14

The Glory of Kings

“It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.” Proverbs 25:2

We all have had them. Heroes. Role Models. People whom we never met nor ever will, but nevertheless people who have made an impact on who we were, who we are, and who we will become. The ones that affect us most deeply are the ones who come to us in childhood. To some they are sports figures, reaching and straining toward victory in order to inspire a young mind to never give up. To some they are musicians – singers, band members, who with their music give credence to a young dreamer’s dreams. To some they are great speakers, authors or movie stars.

To me many of them were characters. People who existed only on the page, or the screen, but regardless existed to inspire me with their stories. Anne Shirley, my kindred spirit, who taught me to see the beauty in life even when it is cruel, to press toward dreams and imagination and find a reason to keep getting up each morning. Anna Burenin spoke to me through her amazing courage in the face of poverty and servanthood, that even a peasant woman can become a princess. Maria Von Trapp gave me a song to sing and a hope for love to find me one day. There were others. Elizabeth Delaney, Lou McCloud, Michaela Quinn, Jo March, and so many more, some long forgotten through the years though the mark of their inspiration remained, some that were burned into my memory so deeply that they became part of me.

Two of those characters that became to me almost friends during the formidable years between adolescence and adulthood were Mulder and Scully. Through the experiences of their quest for the truth I learned much about the kind of love that matters, that changes people, that lasts. Through two very imperfect and unrefined souls, a journey ensued that first formed an enviable camaraderie, a balance of two extreme viewpoints, and eventually an inseparable bond that metamorphosed into a highly charged romantic love. A writer could only hope to create two people so perfectly sculpted with the pen to fit together so flawlessly. I suppose in every story I write for the rest of my life their impression will remain.

Why does this matter? I’m sure that’s the question on your mind. It’s the question I asked myself this past weekend as I was able to enjoy once more these beautiful characters on the screen together again after six years. Why should a set of fictional people mean anything more after one has left the theater? Especially to me, as a follower and lover of Christ, as one sent forth by Him to be light, to be salt, to make a difference?

It is because of Christ that they do matter. It is the reflection of him that makes them beautiful. It is sacrificial love that inspires us and makes us see God. It is the ability of a man and a woman to care more for the other than for their own life that helps us know just a fraction of what Christ felt as he hung on the cross in our place.

Take it for what it’s worth. I’m sure there are plenty of you that will read this and roll your eyes. That’s okay. I've always sort of danced to the beat of a different song than everyone else. But if there is a reader who nods their head in appreciation and understanding, then I’m glad I took the time to sort out my thoughts and give honor to my fictional friends Fox and Dana, who after fifteen years are still searching for the truth, searching for God, straining to know why they were put on this earth and who the Creator is, whether cruel or loving, and who we are in all of our evil intents.

I guess I see in them the reflection of so many people, who see God as fearful and harsh in his dealings with man, but who long for him and hope to know his love and forgiveness. God may conceal a matter. It is his right as God. But he rewards the soul that searches out his heart, who finds the truth through all the darkness of this life. His word promises it. His Son secured it.

It is only ours to accept it.

So, in the immortal words of a man who wants to believe, “The truth is out there.” Keep searching, and you’ll find it. You’ve got the word of the author of the universe on that one.