A Matter of Trust

My husband would be the first to tell you that I'm a know-it-all. I act like I have every answer to every question, and on plenty of occasions I have given him the impression that there isn't anything that plagues me on a regular basis.

I could say that I'm not a worrier, that I'm just so trusting of God I don't wrestle with anxiety. I could say it, but it would be a lie.

I'm not exempt from worry. I just don't worry about the same things my husband does. In fact, my worry is limited primarily to four people. Pete, Hannah, Noah and Talia.

It may be hormones, having given birth three times in the past five years, but I can make myself physically sick thinking about all the things that could go wrong in the lives of my family members. The last thing I do before I lay my head to the pillow is my nightly rounds, placing my hand on each of them and praying for their safety, health and their relationship with Christ, present and future. There have been times when a health concern in one of their lives tested my faith. There have been times when I've forgotten that God loves them more than I do.

What a welcome thought in a rushing torrent of emotion and fear! That the Lord of all holds each of my dear ones in the palms of His hand, tenderly guiding their steps and protecting their way. That His heart bleeds and pains so much more than even the desperate heart of a wife, a mother. That though He could never be surprised, He is affected by our hurts. He does seek to make our paths straight, and fulfill the desires He's placed so gently and lovingly into our very being.

Life would be a swirling, out of control hurricane of terror were it not for the love of God, shown so perfectly to us through His Son, hanging on a cross, rising from a grave. Life would be impossible if it were random, nonsensical, happenstance. Life is only worth living, worth persevering because of what Jesus did to secure the future.

It all comes to a matter of trust. Will I trust this God who has proven His love so clearly? Will I let Him lead, will I follow carefully the imprint of His feet left along the trail? Will I trust Him enough to keep going, to keep walking, to keep leading my children closer to Him every day we are given?

Can I trust the heart of this Savior, even in such a delicate position as the mother of little ones in a scary world?

I can. I have. I will. Because of who He is, and because of what He's done for me.

Trustworthy. That's what He is to me.