Beloved of God

I mentioned that I'd been reading this past month. That was quite the understatement. For a couple weeks, every spare moment as well as several sleepless nights found me devouring over 2500 pages of books. I did not expect to be so taken in by this series. When I tell you what it was, some of you will raise an eyebrow and maybe think a little less of me. (That's okay.) I was certainly skeptical before I opened the first book. But I don't like judging books by their cover. So I gave it a try.

In an attempt to explain myself so that you might be persuaded not to list me in the "crazy" file in your brain, I have to mention that I am not a casual reader. You may have noticed this if you read my blog on any sort of regular basis. I either can't get past the first ten or twenty pages of a novel, or I obsessively can't stop reading until the very last word of the epilogue and acknowledgments. You already know how this one went.

I will carefully try to explain why I found the "Twilight" series compelling enough to write a blog entry about them - without giving away too much in case you would like to read them yourself. But in case I do not succeed, please be warned before you continue reading this post! And yes - I'm getting to why I called this entry "Beloved of God" and what that possibly has to do with a teenage story about vampires and werewolves. Of course my little disclaimer - there was a bit of language that I don't condone and some problems with theology that of course I can't agree with biblically and I would caution that these are not children's books - there are themes that are for the more mature teenager and adult, as well as violence that would be troubling for a youngster.

"You were very nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment - because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time all I could think was, 'Not her.'" - Edward to Bella, Twilight

This quote from the first book encompasses the main reason this story resonated in my being. It reminds me of my real, true life love, not my husband (who is wonderful and good and someone I won't mind spending eternity with) but rather Jesus, who saw me about to be crushed to death by sin, and sprang to action, running all the way to the cross to rescue me, all the while whispering under his breath.... "Not her."

I found myself on more than one occasion close to tears as the unlikely vampire hero, Edward, reminded me of Jesus over and over. In his restraint. In his sensitivity to others. In his striking beauty, his power. In his commitment to do right even when pressured to do wrong. But mostly in his love. His love that would rather suffer than let his beloved come to harm. Love that was strong and deep and enduring, even immortal. Love that considered her needs more important than his own. Love that kept watch through the long nights, singing a lullaby to chase away the nightmares.

I can't help but sigh for the thousands of teenage girls that read these books and went away dissatisfied, longing for their Edward that they are sure they will never find, when the truth is they are loved beyond all imagination. Loved more than Edward loved Bella enough to wait for her for a hundred years. Loved so much that there is One who longs to make them His immortal bride. That's the draw for me in these books... not because they are fantasy, but because the most important elements are so amazingly true!

It's something I tend to forget. I know all too well who I am, and I know I don't deserve to be loved this way, just as Bella often felt. I somehow distance myself from the love of my life, I think about Him often as a leader, a father, even, but it's hard for me to think of him as the hero of my love story. It's hard for me to think of myself as the heroine, I should say. Why would he love me enough to make me his own for eternity, knowing that I am weak and human? But he does. For some beautiful, unsearchable reason he does, and when he returns, he's going to make me like him. He's going to make me beautiful and strong and eternal and someone worth living with forever.

Pastor reminded us of this amazing truth this morning in his sermon. No longer destined for destruction, I am saved to be his bride. I am loved. I have nothing to fear, for he is right there beside me in the darkest hours, holding me, singing to me the song his love wrote.

I am sure it sounds something like this poignant song by Tenth Avenue North:

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life

The lust and the lies
And the past you’re afraid I might see
You’ve been running away from me

You’re my beloved lover
I’m yours
Death shall not part us
It’s you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we’ll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It’s a mystery

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need

I'm the giver of life
I’ll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Come running home to me

You’re my beloved lover
I’m yours
Death shall not part us
It’s you I died for
For better or worse forever we’ll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It’s a mystery

You’ve been a mistress my wife
Chasing lovers that won’t satisfy
Won’t you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips and you’ll taste new life

You’re my beloved lover
I’m yours
Death shall not part us
It’s you I died for
For better or worse forever we’ll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It’s a mystery

Mostly I dream about being with you forever. - Bella to Edward