Even Though I'm Me

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly." Romans 5:6

Amazing.

I'm struck today with the generosity of God. With the forgiving capability of a Lord I both love as a father and stand in awe of as an entity so far above me. How should it possibly come to be that He should give me a second thought, when he can see my thoughts, my actions, my failures?

I think it's hard for people like me that have grown up in the church, that have been spared the suffering of living without Christ. Easy in respect to the fact that we have been spared from the more devastating compromises and the murky journey through life without the light of Jesus illuminating the path before us, but difficult for us to see the putrid stench of our sin in the eyes of a perfect Creator.

But God allows us moments to behold ourselves as He sees us. Our bad attitudes, our apathetic spiritual soul, our hypocritical mask we wear for all of our Christian brothers and sisters so they may never know the depth of our depravity. Suddenly it all becomes too clear. We've come up short in all the ways we convinced ourselves we were doing so well.

Doubt creeps in. How could God care about me? Look how far He's brought me and still I end up back in this spot, disappointing Him again. Disregarding Him, again.

Just when I'm sure that He can't possibly forgive me and set me back on the path this time, a wave of relief floods over me as the picture of a man floods my consciousness.

A man hanging on a cross. Blood flowing freely. A perfect, beautiful life ebbing away even as the scale begins to balance, and I am no longer in debt.

I'm free. Even though I'm me.

Thank you for the cross, Lord
Thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came, and gave amazing grace

Thank you for this love, Lord
Thank you for the nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I know, Your forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crowns
You reign victorious

High and lifted up
Jesus Son of God
The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb (Hillsong)