Jump!

I'm a biggest loser fan. I must admit to it. I'm a sucker for people changing their lives in big ways for the better. In fact, as I tell my children, I'm trying to be the biggest loser myself these days. 15 pounds down, a few more to go.

Anyway, this past Tuesday night, the group went to New Zealand, and they had to climb this sky tower all the way to the top, which was some insane number of stories. Let's just say all the people and cars looked like ants when they got to the top. And when they got up there, enjoying the view safely behind glass windows, Bob bounces in and tells them that they have a choice - climb back down the stairs.... or jump.

My own mind took a particular course as I put myself in their positions. This wasn't just some observation deck overlooking the city - this was HIGH. I'm not intensely afraid of heights, but it made me a little queasy just watching the view from my recliner in my living room.

Surprisingly, all of them were for it except one. And he was probably the only one that was really thinking straight about it. I was with him all the way as he inched his way out onto the launch area. I understood when he was breathing in and out and staring in horror below, trying to imagine himself flying through the air, putting all of his faith in a few cords that were supposed to break his fall and let him land safely on that tiny little X at the bottom.

He waited. And waited. The employee who suited him up and hooked him on said "One two three go!" but he didn't go. And I didn't blame him. But all of the sudden, he got this look of sudden determination. As if he were realizing that he didn't really have a choice. It would be a letdown for him and the whole world watching if he didn't jump. He probably knew that he would regret it forever if he didn't take one more step forward and let fate have his life.

He jumped. And after the moment of extreme terror when he first let go, suddenly his face became relaxed. His arms went out. When he got to the X, he was smiling and cheering. He realized that letting go of fear, embracing the inevitable truth before him was a moment in his life that he tasted freedom.

It occured to me that it must be just like that for someone to make the decision to follow Christ after living in this world into adulthood. I have a hard time imagining it, because I was six when I jumped, and even then, it was more of a formality because I had never made a decision NOT to follow Christ. I deepened my commitment when I was 13, and then again when I was 18, but I have never placed myself on the opposing side where Jesus is concerned.

I imagine it is kind of like standing at that launch area, looking down at all the ant-like cars and people, and trying to understand why it is so important that you jump off and let invisible arms catch you and break your fall. You know you should, you know it won't make good tv if you chicken out, but it's big. It's really big. What will everyone think of you after you jump? What will have to change in your life that you really aren't prepared to let go of?

So many questions. But in the end there is only that still small voice, so loving, so insistent... calling YOUR name. "Jump. I'll catch you. I promise. I've never missed, I've never even come close to dropping anyone. You'll be safe. Much safer than you are on that ledge."

To me - the answer is easy, because I know the voice. I trust him with everything I am, and it's true - he never disappoints. He's stronger than my image of strength can even project.

But when you're the one on the ledge and you hear him calling, what will you do? Will you jump? Will you abandon all and let go of yourself, of your ambitions, of your desire to hide your failure and display your pride and confidence... and admit you need him to catch you?

Because in the end, we all have to jump. And it is our decision how we make that jump. With his help, or to his sorrow.

And if you jump into his arms, get ready for the rush of your life! Get ready to breathe your first real breath of air. Get ready for every dream of your heart coming to life in front of your eyes.

That's what Jesus is.

White Tulips

There's a great show I like to watch. I'll go ahead and admit I love to watch it. In this show recently there was an episode where one of the main characters told someone that he had asked God for a sign that all the terrible things he had done over the years were forgivable. He thought that if God could forgive him, perhaps his son could as well. He asked that if God were willing to forgive him, that he would show him a white tulip, even though it was Boston and winter.

He's a fictional character. But he brings to mind all the people out there living their lives and plodding along, trying to put one foot in front of the other one - wishing that somehow there were a way to erase all the mistakes, all the bad choices, all the sin they've been responsible for. If only God would send a sign that he was willing to forgive.

God did. A sign more beautiful than a white tulip. He sent his own Son to bleed his life out for every last one of us that know we don't deserve forgiveness. He took our place, sacrificed his sinless self so that we could absolutely beyond a shadow of any doubt know that we are forgiven, if we only ask. He was raised again to life to prove that God has power over death, which we only face as the result of sin.

Now it's my prayer that I can be that white tulip. Help others see through my life, though faltering and imperfect, that I am forgiven. That I am loved. That there is nothing in this world, nothing we could do that could keep a single soul out of God's incredible love and desire for relationship.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

Digging Deeper, Flying Higher

I've returned to my website after trying another blog experiment. I've found that I most definitely prefer writing my quiet thoughts and happenings rather than attempting grander notions of gathering readership through this method of writing.

I don't count it as a failure, even if it is. I learned so much about myself and about who I am as a writer by trying something new. I know now that my heart is for fiction, and I'm excited about getting on with two stories I've begun and continuing the process of learning and growing as an author.

Just about every last ounce of my energy in this time of life goes to my family. I suppose that is the way it is when you are a wife and a homeschooling mom of four young children. God is teaching me to take a step at a time and not to try to rush or grab for visions and dreams that He hasn't allowed yet. It is the time of my life to give my all to my family. And that's okay. There will be days coming when they will not need me the way they do now. That will be okay too, and I'm excited to know what new adventures and ideas God will have waiting there for me to pursue and experience.

Life with Jesus keeps getting sweeter. The more I know him, the more I trust him, the more I am okay with this broken world being less than what I hope. This isn't the final destination. And everything that comes to me has been filtered through loving hands. There is no reason not to trust.

And so I will trust.

Picture taken by Kathy Kirtland.