Noah's Rainbow

This morning a very dear lady who suffers from some serious diseases arose early and couldn't go back to sleep. So she got up, went to her chair to pray, and ended up praying for Noah's results to be okay today.

A few minutes later she felt prompted by the Spirit to go look out the window. Not the window she usually looks out. The other window. When she pulled back the curtains, a huge rainbow graced the sky. No rain. Just a beautiful, clear rainbow.

Noah's rainbow.

She knew to expect the call she got a few minutes later from my mom. She knew that Noah would be okay.

And he is! Praise the Lord, God has spared our son from cancer, and he is a healthy little boy with some overactive lymph nodes! The peace that God has provided the whole way through this trial has been in part from all the wonderful people who have prayed for us with compassion and love. We are so thankful for the grace of the Lord in giving us so many people who love our son. We are most thankful for the dear Lord who loves him more than we do. We know he will always be safe in our Father's hands.

And last night at dinner Noah prayed for the special lady that has been praying for him. We will never forget how important prayer is, and how much we need to pray for those who are suffering. Prayer changes things. I am now more convinced of this than ever.

And we will never forget about Noah's rainbow. This one, nor the one that the original Noah saw as he stepped out of the ark onto waterlogged, but dry ground. Noah will hear both stories, and he will learn to trust the Lord, and to trust His faithful promises.

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promises. 2 Peter 3:9

Chaos... Yet Peace

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:7

I am at a place I never expected to be. It's one of those things that you worry constantly as a mother will happen, but you never truly anticipate your worst fears becoming a reality.

For anyone who is a mother, you can appreciate my fears for my children. It seems especially during these years of pregnancy and hormonal ups and downs that it's so easy to be anxious over every sniffle and fever.

The ironic thing is now that I am facing a very real unknown, though I am definitely worried and anxious for the results that we will get Friday, I am experiencing a completely ridiculous, even inappropriate peace. Those are strange words to use, I know, but it is the only way I can think to describe my emotional state right now.

For those who don't know what I'm talking about, my three-year-old son had surgery yesterday to remove three huge lymph nodes that are at this moment being biopsied to check for lymphoma. This alone, I know, is not a huge cause for concern, since the statistics are excellent (almost 90%) for them to come back benign. Yet when the doctor removed them, he told us with concern that they were "suspicious." I suppose that moves us down in the percentage a few categories.

It's a mystery to me how I can get myself so worked up into the "what ifs" and "please, Lord, no" of this life when nothing is wrong, and then when God does allow a stressful week of waiting to know whether we are about to embark on a scary road of childhood cancer or if we will be set free from this trial... well, there's just so much peace.

Don't get me wrong. I feel a great weight almost crushing my chest, stealing my breath. It's kind of like running a marathon - pushing past that pain to persevere and finish this race. It's burning, it hurts, it's the furthest thing from comfortable. But I'm okay with being here.

What? Okay with the possibility of your son having cancer? Of course, the answer is a resounding NO! The thought of it is the scariest thing I have ever seriously considered. But I'm okay with God allowing something really painful. I'd compare it to when Peter jumped out of that boat and started walking on that water toward Jesus. As long as his eyes were pinned on Jesus, he did fine. It was only when he started looking around at where he was that he started to sink and be afraid. So at this moment my eyes are GLUED to Christ. I get senses of the scary storm around me, but all I see is Him. And I am definitely okay with that. I would say I can see His face more clearly right now. And I have to admit, He's beautiful.

So all this to say, don't waste your joyful times worrying about the battles to come. God doesn't give His perfect peace that passes understanding to us when we don't need it. But don't mistake it - it's there in abundance, overflowing - when we do.

And please pray for my little boy if you think of it. Please pray that God will spare him the hard road of cancer. Please pray that we will get a good report of benign lymph nodes later this week.

But pray most of all that God will do His perfect will. Because He really does know best, whatever the circumstances are. I can say that with more assurance than I ever have before.

"It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace." - Sanctus Real

My Only Son

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you... Isaiah 26:3

My most precious possession... my only son
With trembling hands, I lay him at Your feet
I give up control of his life, his health, his future
For I know it was never mine.

I trade my questions, my fears, my moments of doubt and bewilderment
I give them up to you, knowing that in return You promise...
Perfect peace. Beyond my capacity to understand.

A peace that doesn't make sense. A peace that surprises me, surprises those who watch me step into this trial where my son will be placed on Your altar. They know I should be wild with fear. They know I should be weeping, not praising.

And yet I praise. I praise You for being so good for an eternity past that my mind has no rational reason not to let you hold him. I praise You because You have always been a healer, compassionate to the frailty of our lowly bodies wracked with sin. Were I to turn my son over to a human being, to take him and try to heal him with shaking human weakness, I would despair. It is only because a sparrow can't fall without You watching and caring. It is only because of the droves of people that brought their children to You in order to have your holy, gentle hands heal their diseases. You have given so much hope to so many parents, that I cannot help but trust You.

My only son, yet he is yours. You deserve to have his tender heart within your capable hands that hold the universe. For You gave me Your son. Willingly. Without compulsion. I give you mine because I have no choice. He is only safe with you. You gave me yours to die in my place. You offered him on the altar for my sake that there might be some hope of my life glorifying you instead of being a waste.

My only son, because of your only Son.

Take him in Your arms. Heal him. Set him right and set him on his feet again. May he grow, and learn more about You, and follow You to places You have planned for him to journey. May he love you unreservedly, with complete trust and hope that translates into simple faith. May his life glorify Your name.

May You start a work in his heart as he walks through this trial, hand in hand with his mom and dad. May all of this be a tool used for Your kingdom, to bring honor to Your name.

For that is what I pray my only son's life will accomplish.

And I'm thankful for the peace that passes all understanding, and keeps our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Lord, You are good.